


Sandcastle Kingdoms

by Kamidani



Series: I'll Take My Time, Coming Home To You [7]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Speculation, and exploring the trauma he faced to get this far along the way, post kh3, really this is me getting Sora back home, themes of guilt and self sacrifice
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-01-06 18:28:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 26,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18393941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kamidani/pseuds/Kamidani
Summary: What is left of a person, when their heart has been broken over and over again? What's left of them when the pieces are so few and far between? The road to recovery, for some, is a long and painful one. But when there's still one last person who needs to be saved, then Sora will stop at nothing at finding the missing pieces, and bringing him back. And maybe, if he discovers a few things about himself along the way, all of this will have been worth it.





	1. Broken Mirrors

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so once again, I have no excuse for this. This started out as an excuse to have everyone hug Sora and now its morphed into a multi chapter nightmare. I do believe this will be the longest thing I've written so far, and I'm kind of making it up as I go, but honestly that's just how I live my life. I've survived this long, so what's the worst that could happen? Anyways, enjoy!

Like most things did, it all began and ended on that long stretch of twilight shore. Everything blended together in shades of blue and grey, the long expanse of nothing broken only by the steady susurration of the waves. It was a lonely place. And yet, so many had rested on its obsidian sands. Some for but a moment, and others for years at a time.

So when the blue eyed, brown haired, black and red clad hero of the worlds washed up with the tide, it was really of no surprise. He'd been tied to this place for a long time, in one way or another. When the waves drifted in, the sands were smooth and clear; when they retreated, a small body laid upon the sands in their place. With every rise and fall of the waves, the form was pushed up further, until the tide went back out and he was left, nestled in dark sands like an embrace. There was no sound to disturb the peace, just the gentle rise and fall of his chest as he breathed steadily. He almost looked like he belonged, dark and still like this place's monochrome sky. But he was not of darkness, not meant to rest in such deep shadow for so long. When his eyes finally did open, they were the brightest thing for miles. Brighter, even, than the pale glow on the horizon that served as a false sun, than the veins of sickly blue that traced each rocky spire like lightning.

He sat up, slowly, rising from the sand with heavy eyes and sleep soaked limbs. Awareness washed over him like the waves had some time before. He stood, stretched, and bared his teeth as he yawned. He looked around, eyes narrowed before recognition hit. After all, he knew this place fairly well. It stood out in his memories like a beacon, like there was nothing else there to remember.

"Of all the places to end up, why here?" he murmured. His voice was raspy from disuse, and he held a hand to his throat in confusion. That was weird. When was the last time he had spoken? Though he racked his brain, the memories slid out of his grasp like half remembered dreams. His eyes widened, a familiar dread settling in his chest. He… he couldn't-

No. No, it was fine. He was just dizzy and confused from washing up here. Darkness did weird things to your head, he knew that. There was nothing to worry about  _-white walls white floors white ceilings-_  he was fine, he was okay  _-blonde hair and blue eyes, a promise he made and never fulfilled-_  he just had to wait until his mind settled and everything went back to normal  _-a boy with his face and a year of pain loss anger-_

"Honestly, I was thinking the same thing, brother." He whirled around, hand stretching out and closing around nothing. Another oddity to add to the list. What had he reached out for? It had been an action born of instinct, ingrained practice. But his mind still had no explanation for him. Rather than focus on his scattered thoughts, he focused on the one who'd spoken, who'd called him  _brother_  like an insult rather than the endearment he would normally expect such a word to be. He…

He looked familiar.

Round face, black, spiky hair, amber eyes that sparked like a wildfire.

"Vanitas," he whispered, because that was one of the few memories that sat still long enough for him to catch it. The figure before him smirked, flashing teeth that seemed more like fangs in the low light.

"I'm honoured you remember my name," he jeered, stalking forward. "What about you? Do you remember yours?"

"That's ridiculous!" he shouted back, swinging one hand through the air like a blade. "How could I forget my own…" He trailed off, eyes widening. "Oh." He blinked at the stranger, this Vanitas, who knew more about him than he knew of himself. Whose face looked oddly familiar, and yet he shivered at how  _wrong_  the rage on his features looked.

"Oh, how the mighty have fallen." Vanitas came to a halt less than a foot away from him. The waves crashed behind them, a gentle counterpoint to his wild expression. "You can't remember your own  _name_. What else don't you know? Your friends' names? Your home? How much is missing from that shattered heart of yours?" A million questions ran through the nameless boy's mind, but he settled on the one that he felt was most pressing.

"Why did you call me brother?" This seemed to surprise Vanitas, his cruel grin sliding away.

"What?"

"You called me brother. Why?" Vanitas scoffed, looking frustrated at the unexpected inquiry.

"Not a single memory to your name and  _that's_  what you want to know?" He stepped back, crossed his arms. The pale light made his skin look nearly translucent, made the flame of his eyes burn even brighter. He was made for this land of dark and quiet.

"I remembered  _you_ ," the boy pointed out. "That must count for something." Vanitas scoffed, glared, crossed his arms. Uncrossed them and kicked at the sand. Glared some more.

"And here I thought I'd understand you, now that you're as broken as me," he muttered, his tone petulant. He sighed, let his head roll back on his shoulders. He really was the picture of annoyed resignation.

"You restored the heart of my other half, and gave me my face," Vanitas bit into the open air. Though he tried to make eye contact, Vanitas refused to meet his gaze. "Your name is Sora, and you define me like Ventus does." When there was no response for several seconds, Vanitas turned to look at his twin, who was staring off into space, one hand on his chest.

"Sora," he whispered reverently. "My name is Sora." It clicked into place, a single link in the chain of Sora's scattered memories. He turned towards Vanitas, grinning brightly. "You gave me my name back.  _Thank you_." Sora turned the word over and over in his mouth, testing it on his tongue.  _Sora. That's me. I'm Sora._  It felt right, like the sound of the waves did, and the feel of sand shifting underneath his weight.

Vanitas reeled back. His eyebrows were furrowed, his mouth open slightly in consternation.

"You…" he trailed off. "You are the strangest person in all the worlds." He threw his hands up in the air and walked a few steps away. "Thanking me for a name. Ridiculous. How do you know it's even your name? Maybe I'm lying to you." He glanced over his shoulder at Sora, considering. "You have no reason to trust me."

"Maybe not," Sora returned easily. "But I know you're not lying. And besides. I may not have many memories to call my own right now, but I remembered your name, which means you must have meant something to me." He cocked his head to one side, contemplating with a hand on his chin. "So, are we friends? Are we actually brothers? Having siblings would be so cool! I mean, maybe I've always had siblings and don't remember, but still! Do we have other siblings? Is that Ventus guy you mentioned my brother too? How many siblings do we ha-mmph!"

Sora glared around the gloved hand that had clapped itself firmly over his mouth. Vanitas's eye was twitching in barely contained rage.

"You need to stop," he snapped. Sora's glare quickly twisted into another grin. He pulled Vanitas's hand off his face, stepping out of reach. He was lost on this murky shore with no memories except of this angry eyed boy who shared his face. But he felt an odd sense of satisfaction, like there was something to be gained here. An old goal that he never met, someone who he failed to save. Maybe there was a reason for all of this. He let the spark of mischief show in his eyes, curl at the corners of his mouth. He wasn't in any rush that he knew of.

"Oh, does that bother you? Am I talking to much?" Vanitas twitched again, fingers curling like he was contemplating strangling him. "Do you want me to stop? Do ya do ya do ya?" The dark haired boy let out an inarticulate roar of rage, dashing forwards toward Sora. Sora laughed and danced out of his path, graceful despite the shifting surface. This was an old song, one he knew the lyrics to by heart, even if his heart wasn't all there right now.

Vanitas turned to grab at him again, to silence the endless chatter, before catching a look at his face. He stilled, hands falling to his sides in slow motion. Sora grinned even wider, though he did raise one eyebrow in a silent question.

"Are you… playing? Right now? Trapped in the Realm of Darkness, with no memories and no one to turn to but- but me?" He gestured, violently, several times before giving up trying to convey his point that way. "How can you be happy right now?" Sora opened his mouth to respond, before pausing.

"I'd tell you, but that's not really the question you're asking, is it, Vanitas?" Sora trotted up to him before turning and plopping down in the sand, patting the ground next to him. Vanitas sputtered for a moment, before slowly sinking down as well. He made sure to sit out of arm's reach. Sora debated scooting closer, but decided it was safer this way anyways.

"And what the hell do you mean by that, huh, pipsqueak?" Vanitas grumbled. Sora snorted. That was an odd insult to use, considering they were the same height.

"I mean, you're not asking how I'm happy right now." Sora reclined backwards, frowning slightly at the cold sand against his palms where it should have been sun baked warmth. "You're asking how I'm happy at all." He glanced at Vanitas out of the corner of his eye. "You're asking how I'm not lonely, even though I'm broken."

"Like me," Vanitas whispered.

"Like you." Sora watched the way the shadows shifted on the ripples in the water, watched them twist and dance until his eyes crossed trying to keep track of the motion. The two broken boys sat silently, for a long time. Let the hours pass over them like silk on skin.

"What makes you think I want to be happy?" Vanitas finally asked. Twisted on the sand until he was fully facing Sora. "Maybe I like being alone."

"There's nothing wrong with being alone," Sora agreed, "but I don't think you fancy being lonely." He chuckled softly. "I remember just enough. The way you reached for Ventus… your hand was shaking, you know. I couldn't see your face, but I felt it. The way you ached. The way you still ache, I think." He waved a hand in the air. "I think I understand, now. I can feel it, the broken pieces shifting and grating against each other. Like if I move too much I'll break even more."

"You don't understand anything about what it's like to be me." Vanitas drove one fist into the sand, scowling, but his tone wasn't angry. It was just… resigned. Like he had been expecting the worst and was seeing that expectation be fulfilled. Sora nodded slowly.

"That's true," he agreed, mulling the words over as he said them. "But... right now I also don't know anything about what it's like to be me, either." He shrugged, shoving the underlying fear that accompanied that statement deep down where it couldn't hurt him. "Doesn't mean I can't learn."

To his great surprise, Vanitas barked out a laugh. "No, I suppose it doesn't." It was the most agreeable Sora had heard him be in his scant memories of the boy. Being contrary seemed to be his joy in life. "But that doesn't mean I want you to care."

"Full offense, but that's not up to you," Sora chided. "I'll care about who I want to care about, thanks." He stared up at the rocky towers that rose up far above them. Like claws, grasping at an uncaring sky. He remembered, a little, a man reaching for the sky  _-not the sky, but the moon, big and golden and curved like a heart-_  and claiming its power for himself. That image felt important, but like all the others, it slipped away after a moment. He huffed out a sigh. He wished he had a memory to back this conviction in his chest. This belief that Vanitas still needed to be saved.

"I don't see why you would," Vanitas admitted, hesitant. He seemed torn; wanting so desperately to say what was really on his mind, and so, so afraid of what would happen if he did. He narrowed his eyes at Sora. "There's nothing to be gained from this. You should just go home. Your…  _friends_  will have no problems getting your memories back."

"What, and leave you here?" Sora shook his head. "I'm not doing that."

"Trust me, I'm not wanted. The door never opened for me." He pointed out, over the water towards the glow that was as unsettling as it was comforting. "That light only shines for you."

Sora drew in a sharp breath.

He remembered this. Soft sand, that gentle light- but someone else at his side. Someone... someone important. He knew this place, had been here before. He'd been willing to stay here forever, because of the one beside him. His heart had ached in a different way that time. He hadn't felt pain, but…

Love.

Oh. Oh no. He was in  _love_  with someone, and couldn't even remember their face, their name, their voice. How broken was he, if he could remember the emotions but not the person they were meant for? Did it even count as love if the person he had fallen for didn't exist in his memory? Was there even any  _point_  to-

"Why are you hyperventilating?" Sora sucked in a breath so fast he choked, and started coughing and wheezing while his face burned bright scarlet.

"No reason!" he squeaked, rubbing his burning cheeks with his hands to try and stave off the rush of color. He curled in on himself, alternatively overwhelmed with happiness and fear. "I just… I just remembered something." He traced one hand in the sand, drawing aimlessly. "Someone I want to meet again." Someone who, with any luck, wanted to meet him again, too.

But what if they didn't?

What if they didn't care? The group of shadows in his half memories, what if they didn't want him anymore? He must have done  _something_  to end up here, but what? Did they try to stop him? Did they care that he was gone, or were they relieved? How could he know for sure, when the only concrete thing in his mind was the memory of this beach and a love more intense than any emotion he'd ever felt?

"Then go, you idiot," Vanitas snapped, sounding almost kind underneath the annoyance. "There's nothing keeping you here." Sora curled in tighter, latching his arms around his knees.

"But… what if they don't want me? I don't even remember them, what if they're mad at me?" A breathless chuckle escaped him, high and nervous. He was a fragment of himself. He could see that even without any memories. "No one wants broken merchandise."

With a snarl Vanitas launched to his feet, pointing at the sea with a shaky hand. "Go! The door will open for you, it always opens for you! Get the hell out of here! Go  _home_!" He gritted his teeth in anger. Sora stared, wide eyed and a little frightened of this boy with the soft face and the sharp anger. "I don't care what your stupid broken heart is telling you! You have a home to go back to, people who care about you, and if you don't appreciate that then I will dropkick you across this ocean  _myself_." He stomped forward, grabbing Sora by his upper arms and dragging him to his feet. Sora yelped and tried to struggle, but only succeeded in kicking up wet sand.

"Hey! Let go! You can't know that!" Sora twisted in his grip, trying to get away from that incandescent rage so close to him. Vanitas kept him close, forcing him to meet his eyes.

"I do know that," he promised, voice low and dangerous and dripping with something like a promise. "I know that because  _you_  have everything I ever wanted." Sora went limp, slack like the sails of the great ships with no wind to fill them. There was no fight left in him, just a gnawing sense of shame. Vanitas held his gaze for a moment more before looking away. "If you throw that away then you're just a shitty person. End of story." Slowly, he unfurled his fingers from the fabric of Sora's sleeves. But he didn't let go entirely, just let his hands rest there. Sora raised his hands and mirrored Vanitas, until they were both gently holding onto each other. Twins, one with his memory intact but no family to call his own, and one with no memory of the family he'd always had. Opposites, in every way.

"You could have it too, you know," Sora whispered. He held on to the strange surface of Vanitas's suit, trying to convey with touch what he couldn't with words. "Come with me."

"If you had any memories left, you'd know that's a bad idea," Vanitas grumbled. He shifted from one foot to the other, glanced uneasily at Sora's hands. He began to pull away, then stopped, over and over again, like a compass that couldn't decide which way was north. He huffed out a sigh, tried to school his features into an angry mask. "I'm not meant for that." He finally made up his mind and pushed Sora away, taking a few steps back until the waves washed over his heels. "Your heart knows the way, now  _go_ , Sora."

"We're brothers, right?"

"What?" Vanitas asked, taken by surprise by the sudden question.

"You called me brother, said that I define you." Sora rubbed his nose with his thumb, grinning like he had just figured out the million dollar question. "Which means we're connected, you and I. Even if I leave now, and you stay, I'm gonna come back for you. I won't leave you here forever." Sora walked towards the sea, until he stood shoulder to shoulder with Vanitas. While he faced the sea, and the light that lie beyond, Vanitas faced the shore, his face cast in shadow.

There was a pause. Then, Vanitas smiled.

"You know what? I'm gonna hold you to that." He walked forward, took a seat on a boulder that had been weathered by time, water, and the presence of those who had waited here before them. "I'll be right here, waiting for you, and you better have a damn good argument if you think you're gonna make me move. Don't show up unless you do."

"It's a promise, then." Sora nodded once, his eyes somehow even brighter than before. He looked out on this sea, the one that had carried him before, the one that felt so familiar to the broken pieces of his heart. He took a step. Then another, then another, until the water was reaching up around his knees. He paused. For a moment, there was nothing.

Then, like a flower unfurling to greet the morning sun, it opened: a portal of light, bright enough to make Sora shield his eyes and look away. It stretched out of the water like a goddess, incomprehensible in its divinity. And along with it unfurled a memory, of a message in a bottle, and the hope it contained.

 _"Now I will step forward to realize this wish. And who knows, starting a new journey may not be so hard."_  Sora held out his hand, brushed his knuckles against the surface of it.  _"Or maybe it's already begun."_

He stepped forward into alabaster sky.

And he fell.

_"One sky, one destiny."_


	2. Time Isn't Kind To The Ones That Survived

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sora's made it back home, with a promise to save Vanitas hanging over his shoulders. But before he can worry about saving anyone else, he has to rediscover the home he left behind... and the people who loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! I want to make Saturday uploads a regular thing, so maybe that way I can hold myself to a consistent schedule, lol. I hope you enjoy this second chapter! It's not terribly exciting, but it does set up a couple of things that will be vital later on. And certain details in this one are referenced in my other fics, "A Shell of a Memory" and "Message Sent", so if you want a little bit of backstory then consider checking those out! Anyways, onwards! I hope you enjoy!

He couldn't tell if he was falling or flying, if he was rising through the air or crashing towards the ground. He could feel light surrounding him in a corona, protecting him as he shot across the sky. He remembered, for just a moment, falling like this once before- and then he hit the water and the thought was forced out like the air in his lungs.

Down, down, down; the momentum carried him quite a ways before he finally drifted to a halt. All of a sudden sight and sound returned, blinding to his over-strained senses. Everything around him was shades of blue. Sora frantically kicked his way up towards the surface, and breached with a gasp, drawing in salty air to parched lungs. It tasted sweeter than anything he'd ever known, a precious memory that he had yet to reclaim. But as he drifted there, the feeling of the water pulsing against his skin set his heart pounding.

He knew this place. He knew these waves, these sands, these endless skies. He knew the islands winking at him from the distance, the tiny plumes of smoke from houses he had walked past every morning. The skiffs in the harbours, the great masted ships so far out on the horizon he could only see the tips of their sails. They were all old friends, calling his name out on the trade winds. He  _knew_  this place. With every second, a few of the missing pieces settled into place. This was  _home_.

Destiny Islands. This was the place his heart yearned for.

With a breathless laugh he set out for the nearest island, a golden swath of sand, palm trees, and ramshackle wooden structures. His body fell into a flawless stroke with ease, cutting through the water like he had fins instead of legs. And when he pulled himself up onto the sand, dripping wet and breathless with laughter and the overwhelming sense of  _belonging_ , he remembered another tiny piece, of running up this shore hand in hand with someone. A girl, with fiery red hair. His heart ached at the thought of her, a red-hot bullet lodged against the inside of his ribcage. And… someone else, too, someone who was blurry in the edges of his memory. All he could see was a flash of silver, although there were three other, shorter figures that also flitted about on the edges of the corroded film. There were no names to go with the faces, but he was reassured nonetheless. The links may have been broken, but the chain was still there. His memories could be reclaimed.

Although, this time, there was no one there to greet him. He stood still for a moment, straining to hear some sign of life over the steady crash of the waves. There were no voices, no familiar laughter. Just the cry of seagulls far overhead. But that was fine, there was no reason for them to be expecting him. He had just shown up out of the blue. And if there was a rising spiral of doubt clawing it's way up out of his gut, he promptly squashed it back down. He was  _home_ , and he was going to find everything he was missing. He had to, for Vanitas's sake.

He pulled himself up out of the water onto sunbaked sands, shaking water droplets out of his hair. His clothes were heavy with water, so he shed his jacket, his gauntlets, and his shoes. The feel of sand under his toes awakened a thousand fleeting memories, a thousand races, a thousand summer days. The sun warmed his back, its touch an old friend. He drew in breath until his lungs were filled to bursting with sweet ocean air. And before he could even second guess himself, he took off running, letting his feet follow the path his mind had forgotten. Up and around the corner, onto the old rickety walkway that creaked with every step, onto that odd rise of land, where the paopu tree rested. It fit into place like it always had, snug in the part of his heart that remembered. Except…

Something was different. There was something here, that hadn't been before. A single slab of pure white stone, perfect in its incongruity, rested at the base of the paopu tree, facing out onto the ocean. It gleamed in the sunlight, almost too bright to look at directly. And there, stabbed into the sand next to it…

The oddest weapon he'd ever seen. Its square golden hilt looked ungainly and awkward to hold, the round silver "blade" of no use except for bludgeoning things with. It looked like it would be useless in a real fight. And yet, despite the fact that Sora knew all of this, he wanted nothing more than to pick it up and cradle it in his palms, to feel the weight of it, the power behind its swing, the ridged surface of the grip. He walked forward in a daze, absolutely focused on reaching for the black wrapped hilt when something caught his eye. Something oddly out of place.

He turned his head to the side, and that was just enough to see the writing, engraved in simple, clean lines on the stone. He almost would have ignored it, too, if it weren't for the very first line:

**One sky, one Destiny.**

It struck him like a gong, reverberating through his whole being. A gasp caught in his throat, and what was left of his heart quivered and shook. With a trembling hand, he reached out and traced the words that followed.

**In the hopes that one day you will find your way home. May your heart be your guiding key, Sora.**

It was a tombstone. It was a tombstone, with his name engraved on it. They thought… they thought he was… oh, no. No wonder Vanitas had been so mad at him for hesitating on that other shore. He had a home and a family here, and they all thought he was  _dead._

How long had he been gone? How long before they stopped searching, how long before they gave up hope? How long had this stone sat in silent vigil over the uncaring ocean, a marker for a boy who might never return? How long had they waited for him?

_Not for one more second._

Sora didn't even waste time going down the path; he jumped straight off the side of the embankment and down onto the beach below. He tore off across the sand, leaving deep imprints that were smoothed away by the incoming waves as quickly as he made them. The odd weapon was forgotten, his extra clothes were barely a footnote in the frantic scrawl of his thoughts. Though his heart had forgotten, his body knew exactly what to do.

Sparkling, effervescent blue energy wrapped around his limbs as Sora flung himself across the waves towards the main island. He didn't even touch the water, instead skimming across it and sending up a wake of his own. He had never crossed the channel so quickly before, and barely ten seconds had passed before his feet once again touched down on solid ground. Another step and he was off again, propelling himself along the shore, along the perfect lines of white picket fence, down past the mailbox with the dent in the side, past the bikes that had been rusting in a pile for so long no one could remember who they belonged to. All the way until the cobblestone path of his own home he flew, and then he veered off to the right and up the steps, heart in his throat and yet so so sure that this was where he needed to be.

He threw open the door. Stood there, silhouetted in the afternoon sun, for a long moment. In the light that snuck between his slender frame and the door, he could see mites of dust careening in the jets and eddies made by his sudden arrival. But that was the liveliest thing he could see. The house seemed to sigh and settle a little more deeply on its foundation. Whatever life it had held was nowhere to be seen.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" Sora called out into the room. A part of him wondered if it looked the same as it always had, or if it had changed since he was here last. He knew this was the right house, but even so... He cleared his throat, tried again. "Mom? Dad?" Somewhere in his mind, a sour note rung out. A piece that didn't fit in the puzzle. "Mom?" The note didn't sing again, and Sora assumed that he and his mother had lived alone. That… was fine. No bitter pill of grief sat heavy in his abdomen like thought of that red headed girl had caused. "I'm home. It's… it's Sora." He let out an awkward chuckle. "So, what's for dinner?" Outside, he could hear the sea gulls mocking him, so he gave up the ridiculous line of inquiry. There was no one around to answer him, anyways.

He closed the door softly behind him, the click of the latch sounding louder in the summer silence. Bugs hummed and gulls cried, the ocean a metronome more constant than his own heartbeat. Yet somehow these things made the silence ring out even louder, pressing on Sora from all sides. He took a breath and began to explore.

The front door opened straight into what served as a living room and a dining room. A table, with four chairs set up, and flowers set in the center. He smiled at that. They were fresh and bright, obviously put there in the last day or so. Wandering past the counter to the kitchen, he checked every cupboard. Clean dishes and pots and pans, with only a few having remained unused long enough to gather dust. And fresh food in the fridge, looking a little burnt but not old.

So. Definitely lived in. And based on what little he could glean from his fickle heart, his mother lived here alone. Then why the four settings at the table, and the large amounts of leftovers in the fridge? That was way more than one person needed. He left the kitchen and headed through the living room without sparing much of a glance towards what it contained. One forgotten mug rested on the coffee table, but other than that everything was spotless.

Sora ascended the stairs slowly, automatically skipping the seventh step without even thinking about why. The upstairs seemed bigger than the downstairs, the four rooms spread out on the four corners of the house. It had been meant for big happy families, once upon a time, and a part of Sora felt bad that a mother he couldn't even remember was living here alone, surrounded by the ghosts of the people who'd left her behind. He trailed his fingers along the walls, tracing every groove and nick in the unpolished wood. All the way until he came to the door on the southeastern corner of the house. There was a lighter patch of wood on a door where a sign might once have hung, and it was with trembling hands that Sora pushed it open.

The first thing he saw was the  _shells_. Thalassa shells, littering every available surface of the room. They crowded together on shelves, lined the windowsill, hung tied together along the walls on chains of twine and swung gently in the afternoon sea breeze. He picked one up, rubbed the sharp edge of it with his thumb and hissed as the sharpened edge bit through skin. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and sucked on the wound, setting the shell down slightly rougher than necessary. Why were there so many? Did he used to collect them? That… didn't feel right, but he couldn't think of any explanation as to why someone would bring what had to be hundreds of shells and go to all the work to hang them up everywhere.

The second thing he noticed was the drawings. They were tacked up on the walls, some framed by more of the mysterious shells. Though they ranged in color, tone, and medium, they all shared one subject: a brown haired boy surrounded by other people, sometimes with an odd silver weapon in his hand. Sora didn't touch any of them for fear of smearing the delicate balance of colours, but he swore that looking at each one evoked a different emotion. One in particular, that was of that same boy with two other boys, both blonde, and a dark haired girl, made him feel so lost. Abandoned, almost, like the one thing he'd valued the most had just taken off without a word. He shook the feeling off, taking his wounded thumb out of his mouth and wiping it on his shorts. It had hardly been bleeding in the first place anyways.

He cast a glance at the unmade bed. That definitely seemed like something he'd do, but he had no time frame as to when he'd last used it. Was someone else using his old room? Sleeping in his old bed?  _Why?_  What could they possibly hope to accomplish? Unless the house didn't belong to his family anymore, in which case he'd walked into a stranger's house and was trying to compare it to the blank slate in his memories. Or he was just wrong entirely, and this wasn't his house at all. …but no, it felt right. So, why…

As he turned, he caught sight of clothes peaking out of the mostly closed closet. And when he opened it, he was greeted with the sight of dozens upon dozens of different outfits. They all… looked to be about his size, oddly enough. And honestly, he could see himself wearing any of them, aside from the occasional oddball. The weird ones all seemed to have prominent flame motifs, and some even had phrases on them that made Sora alternately laugh and cringe in horror. He stopped messing with the piles of fabric, leaving them to their closeted fate, before turning to the last significant object in the room. The desk was also covered in more shells, but a small working space had been cleared off. Sora took a seat gingerly, the chair creaking and groaning under his weight.

He opened the first drawer, found nothing but pencils, wads of paper, and a few empty packs of gum. Similar detritus filled the second drawer, but the third drawer is where he got stuck. Literally. The drawer refused to open, until Sora yanked on it and it exploded outwards, the wrenching sound of wood being torn apart filling the silence. Sora sat for a moment, feeling incredibly guilty at the destruction of a perfectly good drawer, when the contents caught his eye.

Neat stacks of paper, each one with the same entry at the top.  _"Dear Sora,"_  it whispered to him in a voice he didn't recognize. The handwriting was small and precise, written with a steady and practiced hand. Waves of nostalgia echoed through Sora, and he retrieved the whole stack before settling on the floor in the middle of the room and set out to read them all. Papers scattered around him at random, he picked one and began to read.

_"Dear Sora,_

_We don't know when you're going to get back, so we kind of moved into your house. Roxas insisted we be close to you until we found a place to live in Twilight Town, and no one could think of a way to argue with him. I can tell, he misses you dearly, and I don't think sleeping in your room has really helped that. Still, we do all love the beach, and I don't mind having this piece of you near my heart. In a way, you're still sheltering us, even though you're gone. Thank you for giving us a home, then and now. I hope you are well, wherever you are. See you soon._

_With love, Xion._ "

Sora blinked and squinted at the name. Xion. It played a tune in his heart, that much was certain, but where it fit into the whole melody he couldn't quite tell. He racked his brain for any clues of who she might be to him, but came up with nothing. Setting that one aside, he grabbed the next one. The handwriting was large, uneven, and somehow endearing. He smiled before he even began reading.

_"Dear Sora,_

_It seems that with every day you're gone a little more of the light leaves the sunsets here. We all decided to wait on the Islands for a while, just in case you found your way back on your own, but every evening we just end up being disappointed. We all feel it, you being gone, but none of us want to admit that maybe you're really, you know... gone. Even after what Kairi told us, we all still want to think that you'll just show up out of the blue one day, smiling like you always do, wondering what all the fuss is about. And maybe you still will. But I'm about ready to go and look for you myself, no matter what Mickey says about it being too dangerous. But I see the looks on Aqua's and Terra's faces whenever I say that, and… well, I only just got them back. I just wish I could have gotten you back, too, Sora. Don't you worry, though! We're going to get you back in no time! I owe you everything, and so did Vanitas, even if he'd never admit it. So if you run into him make sure he gives you a proper thank you. Part of me thinks that as long as I'm around, he will be too, so be careful, okay? We all just want you back home safe._

_Love you, little brother! -Ven_ "

Sora had suspected that the letter had been written by this Ventus character the moment he brought up Vanitas, and the sign-off had only added to the mystery of it all. Vanitas and Ventus both referred to him as their brother, although Ven specifically called him "little" brother. How very odd. He got the feeling that was a distinction Vanitas would have been quick to make, considering what little he knew of his personality. He set that letter aside a little more slowly, laying it gently on top of Xion's. He turned to the next one, which had two different sets of writing on it: one small and cramped, the other clinical in its neatness. He blinked at the first passage, feeling slightly like someone was pouring gasoline on him even as he read.

_"Yo, Sora, you never mentioned you had such a nice house! Roxas insisted on staying here until we got a place, which is fine by me. Fine beach real estate, at no cost to me? I'll get that one memorized, thank you very much! No one here sells sea salt ice cream, but traveling between worlds is hardly a problem anymore. Ever since old Norty bit the dust, the barriers between worlds have loosened up quite a bit. So we're just gonna make ourselves at home here. Don't you worry about a thing! Dependable old Lea will take goooood care of your stuff."_

And then, written neatly below in the other handwriting:

_"I promise I will not let Lea burn your house down. -Isa"_

Sora couldn't help but giggle out loud. Lea sounded like a character, and this Isa's brutally to the point addition only made him seem more eccentric. True to his promise, the house was still not on fire, and Sora made a mental note to think this Isa guy whenever he found him. He set it aside with a private grin. These letters felt like snapshots into the world he was missing, each one a delicate vignette of the people who'd written them. He wanted to guess what their voices sounded like based on the handwriting, but decided not to. He'd rather wait and hear their real voices. He picked up the next note, which was covered in doodles as much as it was in words. Sora glanced at the drawings covering the walls. They seemed to be drawn by the same person.

_"Dear Sora,_

_I hesitated to write this. Every other time I put a pencil to paper with your name on my lips, I caused you pain. But Kairi insisted we all write at least one letter to you, so you would know that we were all thinking of you in your absence. It's a good idea, and I agree that it's important. I'm just not sure exactly what I should say. Pictures have always come to me more easily than words. I hope that when you get back I can find out if we have that in common; I certainly didn't get it from Kairi. When she puts her mind to it she can write for days on end, with no limit but the amount of ink in her pen. And she writes so beautifully, too. I know she regrets never sending you the letters she wrote before, so now we all write letters that will await your return. I hope that some day you get to read this. There are so many things we all need to say to you, things we should have thanked you for while we had the chance. We took you for granted, Sora, and now we may never get to mend that mistake. I hope that you are well, for her sake. And for mine, as well. I was so dearly hoping to get to know you for real._

_Sweet dreams, Sora. -Naminé"_

He almost wasn't sure what to feel about this letter. It was like there was another void yawning inside the one he'd been focused on before, a second, deeper space where the memories refused to lodge. And whatever had she meant by that, "every other time I put a pencil to paper with your name on my lips, I caused you pain"? How was that possible? He set it aside, feeling more worried than reassured by that note, though he could tell the girl had written it with good intentions. The only part that had made him feel giddy was that other name, Kairi. It sparked something in him, a fire that was itching to catch at the fringe of his emotions and burn him alive. That name sounded like  _life_  and  _adventure_  and childhood promises. It made him want to go and sail off into the horizon just to see what he would find out beyond the sunset.

He skimmed a few other letters, smiling or laughing, sometimes sighing sadly at their contents in turn. Most had the same, cheery, upbeat outlook- "when you get back," or "we'll see you soon," or the one that stung his heart the most, "come home soon, please." But others were not as hopeful, and these were the ones that Sora couldn't bring himself to read. He found himself skipping pages upon pages of letters, because the horrifying truth was settling upon him. There was no way this had all been written in any short amount of time. They had help out hope for what had to be months, maybe years, before they finally gave him up.

It seemed only fitting that it would be Kairi's letter that broke the dam. He knew from the moment he picked it up that this one would be different, blots of ink spreading across the page in a tear stained constellation. A tremor filled him, the paper trembling in his grip.

_"We put the stone out by the tree at dawn. Riku insisted that the words face out towards the ocean, and no one could bear to disagree. It's the first time he's been back since he left to go find you all those months ago, and I think his heart has taken all that it can. I'm not as strong as he is. It took me a long time before I was brave enough to go and look for you, and when I did… I called for your heart, Sora. I called and called until it felt like I was going to keel over. You had always answered me before, no matter how far away you were. But this time, there was nothing. Not a trace, not even an echo of your voice. And I knew then that there was nothing left of you to save."_

Sora didn't realize he was crying himself until the words on the page grew too blurry to see. He scrubbed his arm across his eyes, drawing in a shaky breath. For the first time, he felt like he was intruding. These letters were for  _Sora_ , and the only claim he had to that name was at the testimony of a shadow on some foreign shore. In a way, Kairi's words were still true. There was nothing left of him. He had to steel himself to continue, dreading the grief the words would no doubt instill in his new, fragile heart.

_"I think we had all given up by then. Riku was the last hold out, and now he's… I wish he would talk to me. But he won't, so once again I'm stuck writing letters that I'll never send. I think Roxas feels much the same way. He stopped sending voicemails after a year had passed. He tries so hard to enjoy the life that you made it possible for him to have, but it's easy to see some days are harder than others. I feel it, too. The Islands don't feel like home anymore, without you. So I've decided to move, to Radient Garden. There's not much left to rebuild, but it's where I came from, and seeing as I can't look for you, maybe I can look for my past instead. I'll miss the sunsets, but they don't have the same magic that they did. I don't know what I'd give, these days, to go back to when it was just the three of us, racing down the beach and dreaming of the outside world. I miss when other worlds were a fantasy, not a cruel truth. I miss when the most pressing problem was finding enough driftwood to make a proper mast. I miss you, Sora. I miss everything about you. And there's a part of me that thinks life just isn't worth living without you in it. But I'll keep going, for you. I'll tell the worlds what you did for them. You may be gone, but I swear you will never be forgotten. Rest easy, Sora. The worlds know peace, because of you._

_Thank you for everything. Love, Kairi_ "

The ocean still rose and fell, the gulls still cried. The wind still brushed up against the strings of shells and danced with them. The world kept on turning. And all the while Sora fell apart. Sobs racked his thin form, the letter crushed in an iron grip born of grief, and broiling  _shame_. He had left them to this. They had loved him, and he had forgotten them. He was reading memoirs to a stranger, a person he might once have been but now knew as much about as he did the names at the bottom of each page. He felt unworthy of such regard. What could he have possibly done to deserve such an outpouring of love? Even so, he smoothed out the paper, brushed away the new tear stain stars he'd added to Kairi's constellation. And he read it through, again. And again. And again, until the words blended together into seafoam. And then, finally, something struck a chord.

At first he had skimmed over it, but this time it stuck out, an odd detail amidst everything else Kairi had left for him to find. Roxas, and voicemails. The name Roxas had come up a few times before in other people's writing, but he hadn't found any letters from him. But these voicemails sounded promising. He wasn't sure what exactly prompted him to search his pockets at that moment, whether it was complete coincidence or the inkling of a memory. But when he did, he found a square device in his pocket. It immediately felt familiar, the way it sat in his palm. And turning it on, navigating the functions, was similarly fluid. He must have done this dozens of times before, for even his broken mind to remember what to do.

He had thought that reading Kairi's letter had hurt. But nothing could match the shock of hearing someone's voice echo out into the room, and hearing the tears hiding under the surface. He had no idea what Roxas was talking about, but there was no need to translate the emotion. "Day 365. It… I've been alive for a whole year. Finally my time here is more than my time with the Organization. I should be happy, right, Sora? I should… this is a good thing. I-" Silence, and then sobbing. Heart wrenching sobs that Sora echoed as he listened, curling up around this strange device  _-he remembered, dark skies and skyscrapers, clutching a phone that didn't even work because it was the last tie he had left-_  that felt so heavy in his palms. And then, after a while, in a tiny voice through the speakers, "please come back home." The sound cut off, and Sora looked down at the screen in alarm. It seemed fine, but then his breath caught for a different reason. There, listed under the little box he had pressed to play the message, scrolled a line of text. <Received 4 months ago.>

Well, now he knew how long he'd been gone. One year of voicemails from Roxas, and then another third of one before he could ever do anything about them. 16 months he'd spent missing, and he was just now realizing that he had no idea what had sent him so far away in the first place. What could he possibly have done to go missing for so long? Why didn't he come back?

And… was it really worth remembering, if even the thought of it all caused his heart such pain? Time passed in a haze as Sora pondered, the papers sitting around him thoroughly forgotten. And he remained there, slightly hunched over and lost to the world, until he heard it. A creaking sound on the stairs, and footsteps.  _Someone was coming upstairs._ Sora froze, surrounded by the evidence of his invasion, and could only sit and stare, motionless, as the stranger approached the half open door.

"Roxas? Are you home yet? Lea was looking for you, something about a new plan for looking for-" the voice rounded the corner, revealed itself to be a girl with dark hair and the most striking indigo eyes he'd ever seen. "…Sora," she finished lamely. The boy in question stared dumbly, frozen stiff. He wanted to stand, to speak, to do something, but he couldn't  _move_. He just sat there, face covered in the trails of drying tears and surrounded by letters from people he didn't know. The Gummiphone slipped from limp fingers and hit the floorboards with a  _thunk_. The shock and uncertainty he was feeling must have shown on his face, for the girl approached him like she would a wild animal. "Sora?" she asked tentatively, reaching out for him but never quite making contact. She knelt in front of him, careful to avoid the stacks of paper while she stared deep into his eyes. "Is it really you?" Sora finally found his voice somewhere in the scrambled remains of his thoughts, and managed to chuckle at the question.

"So I've been told," he rasped, voice rough with tears. That seemed to be the right answer, as the girl smiled tremulously.

"You're here," she whispered in awe. "You're really here, we thought… it's been so long. Are you okay, are you hurt?" She reached out for him again, fingers almost brushing against his cheek. Sora flinched away, and immediately felt guilty for doing so. He opened his mouth to speak, reached out to take her hand in his as he did so.

"I'm fi-" was as far as he got before her hand closed around his, and the blankness struck. It was like the tides of his mind had receded, gathering themselves together into one huge wave far off in the corners of his mind. A tense moment of silence, Sora wide eyed and not breathing, Xion still and nervous. Then, finally, the memories hit. He gasped, eyes widening in pain. He- he was watching his own life flash before his eyes  _-endless summers spent exploring the Play Island, shoulder to shoulder with a boy,_   _ **Riku, his name was Riku,**_   _finding Kairi, growing up with the three of them glued at the hip. Swimming and surfing and catching fish, collecting shells, sparring on the sand, growing alongside and yet somehow always one step behind Riku. A plan, to get off the Islands, to see the world beyond, a raft growing underneath their inexperienced hands. A race, a promise, a paopu fruit offered and tossed to the side-_  years and years of a life his heart had forgotten, all slamming into him with the force of a tsunami. He screamed in pain, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information, before consciousness finally left him. He slipped into the cool nothingness of the dark, letting out one final sigh.

"Sora!" she cried, lurching forward to keep his head from hitting the floor. She shook his shoulders, but got no response. Sora could do nothing to ease her fear but smile softly before sleep took him.

Slowly, more and more pieces of his heart fell into place, and an image began to form deep in the shadows. But even so, only a fraction of the shards had settled, and the memories he had reclaimed were similarly but a fraction of all those he had yet to find. Sora had returned, but he was far from the boy they had known. He might  _never_  be that boy again. But for now, he finally knew who he was, and that would have to be enough.

_Hold on, Vanitas. I'm gonna find my memories, and then I'm bringing you home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is where we finally start getting into some more of the action. I'm so excited to see what you guys think! And if you want to find me on tumblr, I'm there as kamiddani, and I even made a separate blog for my Ao3 stuff, called sandcastle-kingdoms-the-fic. I hope to see you guys there!


	3. Three Cheers For The Brokenhearted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coming home is hard, when the ones waiting for you are strangers, and the people you remember are long gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter was going to have more in it, but when I hit 14,000 words I decided it was time to split it into two. It is still pretty long, but I think it's slightly more manageable than what it was. It did unfortunately bump the chapter count up from my lucky 13 to 14, but if this trend continues that number might go up even more. That just means more for you guys, lol. Enjoy this week's update!

_Sora. You wanted one, didn't you?_

_A paopu fruit…_

_If two people share one, their destinies become intertwined. They'll become a part of each other's lives, no matter what. C'mon, I know you wanna try it._

_What are you talking-_

* * *

 

Sora felt like he'd been doing too much of this whole waking up business recently. He  _liked_  sleeping, thank you very much. But the light shining on the back of his eyelids and the voices filling the afternoon air demanded that he wake. And the new memories, settling into their rightful place, demanded his attention as well.

"The raft!" Sora shouted, launching upright. He remembered, the brewing storm, and Riku's skiff had been missing from the docks. He'd gone out to check on it, hadn't he? But the sun wasn't even beginning to set, and he was definitely still in his room.

There were other people in his room, too, now that he thought about it. It took him a moment to recognize the two sitting closest to him, but when he did, all worries of something so trifling as the raft fled his mind.

"Riku?" he breathed, staring at this silver haired stranger sitting next to him. It was Riku's eyes staring at him, but his face had sharpened with age. Most of the youthfulness had left his features. What was left was an incredibly imposing visage, and it was throwing Sora off. He'd never thought that Riku wasn't attractive; he was perfectly happy to acknowledge that yes, his oldest friend had a nice face. But this was the first time he'd looked at him and thought he was  _pretty_. "What happened to your face?" Sora blurted, because this was him we were talking about, and he couldn't do anything tactfully. There was a pointed snort from somewhere behind Riku, and Sora could  _see_  the effort it took him not to respond. Then Sora turned slightly to the left and had his second shock.

"Kairi?" he squeaked, taking in her new look. She too, had matured, though the changes weren't as drastic as Riku's. Unlike the taller of his two friends, the most change had happened in her eyes. They looked tired, like she had seen everything she could bear before she looked away. Even so, they sparkled with new life, and the smile on her face was nothing short of angelic. Sora decided then and there that both of his friends were unfairly good looking and that he was definitely the ugly duckling of the group. He didn't mind, but it was a sad revelation to come to at the ripe old age of… however old he was now.

"I'm so glad you're awake," Kairi said softly, reaching forward to take his hand in hers. Sora blinked, but let it happen, and turned to look at Riku.

"Riku, are you… crying?" Sora asked, bewildered. Riku closed his eyes for a moment, before nodding sharply.

"Yeah, I am," he said simply, before lurching forward and wrapping Sora in a hug. Sora squeaked  _again_ , stiffening and arching away from the embrace. Riku had  _never_  been big on hugging. Neither had Sora, to be honest. But here he was, firmly trapped against Riku's chest and with Riku crying into his hair. And despite the confusion rooted deep in Sora's mind, he forced himself to relax and return the hug as best he could with his arms pinned against his sides. He felt small and fragile, and wondered when Riku had gotten so much taller than him.

"Are you… gonna be okay?" Sora let his head rest on Riku, finally relaxed enough to just go limp. Riku squeezed tighter for a moment, drawing in a sharp breath, before he leaned back, keeping his hands on Sora's shoulders.

"I will be. Now that you're here," Riku assured him. The smile on his face was more genuine than any Sora had ever seen. Sora opened his mouth to ask,  _but when was I not here?_  when he remembered the events that had led him back to the Islands, back to this room.

The letters, and the shells hanging on frayed strings. The empty Play Island, and the paopu tree silently standing watch like it always had. The stone, sitting at its base, telling a story with so few words.

"I…" Sora looked at the gathering with guilty eyes. So many faces, all so filled with hope. And he recognized… none of them. "I'm sorry. For leaving for so long. But-"

"Don't apologize, Sora," said the dark haired girl who'd found him earlier. She'd been the catalyst to his memories returning- somehow. "We're just glad you're home safe. You gave up everything for us. It's time you finally get your own happy ending too." Sora laughed nervously, skated away from her searching gaze.

"About the whole, um, well, everything, really." He wrung his hands nervously. "Could someone maybe, fill me in on what happened? Like, all of it? Because the last thing I remember is building the raft with Riku and Kairi." He risked a glance at his audience, saw varying stages of dawning realization, shock, and horror. "Sorry."

"So you don't remember. Anything?" Riku asked carefully. There was a weird expression on his face, an odd mix of dread and hope. Sora shook his head.

"I woke up on that beach in the Realm of Darkness. All I knew was what it was called and that it felt familiar. I didn't even know my own name until-" Sora locked eyes with a certain blond boy and paused. For some reason, he felt they wouldn't react well to Vanitas. Something in his heart begged him to remain silent, at least for now. "-until I ran into someone who told me on the way here." That wasn't a  _lie._  Vanitas was a someone, that he happened to run in to.

"Wait. So you don't recognize  _any_  of us?" A blond- wait, what? A kid (who looked exactly the same as the other kid, much to Sora's confusion) rushed up to the side of Sora's bed, eyes wild with something akin to anger. "Sora, that can't be true! You're tied to so many people, there's no way your heart lost all those connections." Sora stared for a moment before he realized where he'd heard that voice before.

"You're Roxas, aren't you?" The boy's face lifted with hope for a moment. "I recognize your voice, I listened to one of the voice mails you sent me when I got here." And, just like that, the hope was gone.

"Sora, you… you can't really have forgotten all of us." He shoved past Riku and cradled Sora's face in his hands, desperation scarring his features. "Please. You have to- You make a good Other, remember?" Sora hissed in discomfort and shoved Roxas away. Where his hands made contact pain had immediately sparked through Sora's bones, making his head throb and spin.

"Don't," Sora choked out, shaking his head to clear the fog that had settled. "I don't remember, I'm  _sorry._ "

For a single, crystalline moment, heartbreak shone out on Roxas's face. And then it twisted, to grief. And to something terrifyingly close to hate.

"What, after everything, you can just go and forget us?" Roxas cried. Kairi held a hand to his chest, forced him to take a step back.

"Roxas, that's not fair-"

"No, it's not! But you know what else isn't fucking fair?" He jabbed an accusing finger at Sora. "This asshole disappearing into the abyss for more than a year and leaving us all behind to rot! What isn't fair is him gallivanting off, knowing that he was going to kill himself and not giving a damn about the people he left behind!" He grit his teeth, locked eyes with Sora. "What isn't fair is spending a year of your life waiting for someone only to find they're someone else when they get back." Sora's breath caught in his throat, and tears he didn't understand blurred his vision.

"Roxas, that's  _enough._ " Riku rose to his full height, forming a physical barrier between the two of them. "I think everyone should go for now, Kairi and I will figure some things out." There was a soft chorus of agreements, and the long line of faces that Sora couldn't for the life of him remember began to file out. It felt like an ending of sorts, and Sora was half certain he'd gone and ruined everything. Roxas was dragged out, fuming, by that same dark haired girl and an almost awkwardly tall man with fiery hair. The only one who stayed was a woman with blue hair and the kindest eyes Sora had ever seen.

"It's going to be okay," she promised. Sora almost believed her, too. She rested one hand on his head, and ruffled his hair. That same flash of pain struck, but duller, and the action felt achingly familiar. Sora gasped, one memory standing out among the few he'd reclaimed.

"It's you!" he whispered. Her hand halted in surprise. "You came to the Island when we were little! You asked me to-" He paused abruptly, glanced at Riku. "You asked me to follow Riku if he ever started going down a dark path, to protect him." He looked between the both of them, increasingly confused.

"Sora, you didn't remember Aqua before," Kairi mused out loud. "I wonder how you know that now. Could losing your memories have brought some other ones to the surface?" Aqua only smiled, ever a source of calm and confidence. Even with the odd pain radiating through him, she gave Sora a sense of peace.

"I'm honoured that I made such an impression." Aqua ruffled his hair again before retreating. She smiled reassuringly, and Sora couldn't help but smile haltingly back. She felt like home, like Riku and Kairi did, but his heart wouldn't tell him  _why._

"Well," Sora began. "Did I do what you asked?" He turned to look at Riku, who had gone oddly pale. "Did I keep Riku safe?" For a moment, no one answered. Aqua was the first to react.

"I should go." She walked towards the door with an odd grace to her step. She moved like a dancer, even in these quiet moments. "You three need time to catch up. I'll send the others out for a while, Sora deserves a chance to rest."

"Wait!" Sora stumbled out of the blankets to try and stop her, but Riku kept him from trying to cross the room with an arm across his middle. "Don't send them away! I kept them waiting for so long!" Riku frowned down at him, the picture of caring concern.

"Sora, you need a chance to recover, you just got back-"

"No!" Sora glared him down. "I found the grave, Riku. I read the letters. All of them cared about me enough to want to leave something for me to find, and I don't even know what I did to deserve that. I have to thank them, at the very least!" Aqua shut the door with a resounding click, her voice thrumming through the door.

"I'll pass the message along, Sora." He huffed out a breath of annoyance, but stopped struggling against Riku. He plopped down on the bed and shot his two friends a look.

"Why do I feel like I remember everything but the important bits?" Both Kairi and Riku shared a look that said more than Sora would ever understand. It felt like a knife, twisting deep in his chest, knowing that the two people he knew better than anyone else were practically strangers to him now. "What happened that night, Riku?"

"I think that we should wait on that," Kairi suggested, her tone surprisingly dark. Sora opened his mouth to protest, but she held up a hand to stop him. "Sora, I know you're hurting, but we just got you back. You should take a moment to just relax, put on some fresh clothes, eat some food. We can worry about everything else later." Despite the finality in her voice, her eyes were kind. "Please. I know you want to know about all the missing pieces, but they're not happy memories." She placed a hand on his shoulder. "You're better off not knowing, for now."

"That's not your decision to make." They both flinched slightly. "You don't get to pick and choose which memories are worth knowing or not." Sora placed a hand to his chest, and thought of all the letters written by people his heart had forgotten. Pages and pages of hope, made meaningless by fickle circumstance. "I don't know how much I'm missing, or what happened, but I know it has to be important. Can I really be me if I don't have the memories that shaped who I am?" He glanced out the window, saw a group of shadows retreating down the boardwalk. "Roxas-"

"Roxas was way out of line," Riku spat. "He's upset, we all are, but I'm just happy to have you back, no matter what shape your head is in." He stomped over and stared out the window, silhouetted in the lengthening rays of the afternoon sun. "You're still Sora, no matter what."

The boy in question ducked his head. "Maybe," he agreed softly, "but it would be nice to know why exactly you have so much faith in me." Kairi drew him into a hug of her own, one that Sora accepted much more willingly. She was soft and soothing like she'd always been, a sea of stars on a calm night. She had grown just like Riku, and it struck Sora that he had probably grown too. Imagine, to not even know what your own face looked like... well, actually, he didn't have to imagine.

"We're going to figure everything out," Kairi promised. "But please trust us when we say it's better to take things slow." Sora nodded slowly against her shoulder. She was probably right- she usually was, when he thought about it.

"I do trust you," he murmured. "I guess I'm just frustrated. I don't like this, the not knowing."

"Take your time, Sora," Riku urged, finally looking away from the window. "There's not a single moment from the last few years that's worth being excited about." He walked towards the door, a tension carried in his shoulders that made him seem distant and cold. The slope of his shoulders seemed familiar- like the image of Riku's retreating back was something he'd seen a million times. Sora unwound himself from Kairi and ambled over to the mirror leaning on the wall. It, too, was framed with shells, and Sora had to brush a few strands away from the glass so he could see.

He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, but this wasn't really it. Even so, he carefully took stock of every detail he could, filling in the gaps of his memory. He'd never thought his own face could belong to a stranger.

The first thing he noticed, aside from a few obvious differences in color, was that his face looked  _exactly_  like Vanitas. His breath caught in his throat, though he was quick to smother the sound. That same unease from earlier had risen up as well, warning him to keep silent. It was eerie, but Sora was used to listening to his gut. He shook his head, smoothed the shock away, and went back to his inspection.

Where Riku had launched up to what had to be nearing six feet, Sora was lucky if he'd gained a head of height from what he remembered. What had changed was his body structure- before he'd been slim simply because that was how his metabolism ran. Now he was a patchwork quilt of lean muscle and scars. Dark reddish hair shot through with blond highlights framed a face that somehow managed to be round and gaunt at the same time. Set under the wild strands were eyes that were dark and heavy like the sea before a storm. Long gone was the bright eyed, light haired boy of his youth. Every part of him was darker and sharper, and he wasn't sure how that made him feel.

The one thing that hadn't changed was his necklace. It hung right above his sternum, as shiny and new as it had been the day he'd gotten it. It was like a single spot of untarnished steel on a rusted panel, standing out even more for its luster. Compared to the rest of him, it was an abnormality of perfection.

"What in Poseidon's name could have happened to give me this many scars?" He turned around to face his friends, noting for the first time their scars as well. Riku, like him, was covered in a plethora of marks, though they blended better with his paler skin. Kairi remained mostly unscathed, aside from one that peeked out over her shoulder.

"Like we said, Sora," Riku bit out, "it's a long story. Please, just let it go for now." Sora shrugged, spared a final glance at the mirror. There were secrets hidden in these scars, he knew there was. But he wouldn't be able to decipher them for now.

"No, it's fine, Riku," he sniped back, grinning. "You're too lazy to tell me what happened in the past year and four months, I get it."

"Try three years and you'll be a little closer to the mark," Kairi remarked drily. Sora spun to face her, all of his teasing snark gone.

"Three!?!" He stumbled back in shock. "But the letters, and the voicemail- I thought I'd only been missing for half that time!" Kairi smiled with pride.

"You're right on the mark for that. But the last night you remember, with the raft? That was three years ago." She ran a hand through her shoulder length hair. "And it's been a very… busy three years. Which is why we want to give you a chance to settle in first before we try to do anything about what you're missing." Sora nodded with a trembling breath, his fragile foundation of knowledge already deeply shaken.

" Yeah, okay." He ran a hand through his own tangled hair, wincing as his fingers caught on the snarls.

"Let's start with a hot shower, some fresh clothes, and some good food, and then we'll worry about the rest." She clapped her hands together, feigning an excitement that Sora doubted she truly felt. "You have to pick something out! Everyone's been buying you clothes that they think you'd like. We've had to be really creative to get it all to fit in your closet." Sora glanced over at the closet door that he hadn't even bothered to close all the way before. All of that… that was for him?

"What am I even supposed to do with that many clothes?" Sora muttered to himself. Both Riku and Kairi muffled laughter at the hopeless confusion in his voice, and he glared at them halfheartedly. "It's a valid question!" Kairi wrapped him in another hug, burying her face in his shoulder. Sora could feel the shuddering breath she took in, the way she shivered as she tried to hold in her tears. After a moment, the sound of footsteps signalled Riku's approach, and his arms settled around them both, pulling them against his chest.

"It's good to have you back, Sora," Kairi whispered, and Riku hummed in agreement. Sora, confused but glad to be home, leaned into the embrace.

"It's good to be back."

* * *

 

Sora hadn't realized how much dirt and sweat and blood had set into his hair and his clothes. Not even plunging into the ocean had really helped, and it was with a saddened heart that he tossed his shirt and pants into the trash. Even if he couldn't remember any of it, they'd served him well for over a year, and he saluted the trash can silently once they'd been discarded. And after scrubbing until his skin was red and raw, until the water ran clear and his hair felt like actual hair instead of strands of clay, he finally felt a little bit like a normal person again. Even so, the clothing he picked out from the masses of fabric felt lacking somehow.

It wasn't until he realized that he was checking how he could move in it, how easily he could go through the motions of running and kicking and swinging, that he wondered if maybe there had been a reason there had been so much red dried onto his skin. After all, those scars had to come from  _somewhere_. It was somewhat worrying that his body had the muscle memory to instinctively check the combat capabilities of a sleeveless hoodie, and a pair of faded jeans.

But the blinding smiles on Riku and Kairi's faces was worth the building unease in his gut at the thin fabric, worth the sense of loss when he closed his fist around open air. Kairi picked at the collar of the unzipped hoodie, giggling as she did so.

"Why am I not surprised that you picked the tackiest thing in there?" She spun around and grabbed his wrist, pulling him down the stairs and into the front room where Riku was frowning at a plate of what Sora hoped was food. "Riku, please tell me there's something edible in that fridge."

"I think it's edible." He placed the plate on the table, shooting an apologetic look at Sora. "But even if it isn't, it's not like I know how to make anything better."

"Oh, I'll eat anything!" Sora chirped without thinking. "Better to eat when you have a chance, you never know when you won't have anything around." Based on the stares they were giving him, that wasn't the normal response. "What? It's true. No point in going hungry when there's perfectly good food."

"No, you're right," Riku agreed. "It's just, you used to be a pretty picky eater." He dropped into the seat across from Sora's with a sigh. "And we don't even know everything you went through in between the periods when we were together. You didn't exactly talk about it much."

"Huh. Weird, I tell you everything. Or, I used to, I guess. It's odd, sometimes it's like my brain forgets that there's a gap between right now and what I remember." He smirked at Riku as he dropped into his own chair and eyed his food. "I keep looking up expecting you to be wearing those ridiculous pant pants." Kairi, who had been getting a drink, nearly spat out her water as she suppressed laughter.

"I forgot about the pant pants!" she wheezed. "Ooooh, my god, Riku!" She had to set her cup down so she could brace her hands on her knees. "They were so dumb, oh my  _god_."

"They weren't dumb!" Riku sputtered. "They were practical! They kept the sand out!"

"Oh, yeah, they totally kept the sand out." Sora stabbed his fork into whatever odd concoction was sitting on his plate without looking at it. "That's why you complained about all the sand every day on the way home."

"You're one to talk," Riku grumbled. "You wore a onesie."

"Wrong!" Sora declared, leaping to his feet and pointing his fork- with food still on it- at the ceiling. "It was a romper! I will not tolerate this disrespect, Riku. I demand an apology for the sake of my slandered clothing."

"Sit down and eat, Sora, you're gonna fling food everywhere."

"Sorry, Kai." Once seated, he shot a glare at Riku. "I still want an apology."

"I am not apologizing for that thing. I'm glad you finally outgrew it." Riku leaned back, hooking one arm over the back of his chair with a lazy grin. "For a while I was worried you'd never get tall enough to need new clothing."

"Hey! Height jokes aren't allowed! It's not my fault you hogged all the puberty." Riku actually almost fell off his chair, he started laughing so hard.

"Hogged the- Sora, what?" he wheezed. "How does that even work?" Sora stabbed his food with a glare that  _definitely_  wasn't just a glorified pout, kicking at the floor that his feet still didn't quite reach. In his defense, it was a tall table.

"I don't know, but it does. You went and got all tall and buff and adulty looking, and I'm stuck here at 5 foot nothing. It's your fault, I  _know_  it."

"Actually, you're probably closer to 5 foot 3, Sora," Riku supplied helpfully. "You're about the same height as Ven, and that's where he's been for the last year or so." He snorted. "If you sit on his shoulders, you might even make a whole person between the two of you."

"Oh, that's it!" Sora leaned forward as if to climb over the table, waving his fork threateningly.

"Sora, sit!" Kairi walked behind Riku and smacked him on the back of the head. "Riku, don't antagonize him until  _after_  he's done eating." Both boys slumped into their seats, looking thoroughly chastised.

"Sorry, Kai," they chorused in sync. For a moment, one blessed moment, there was absolute silence. Then, Sora started giggling through his food, and Kairi and Riku couldn't help but join in. When they had finally exhausted their laughter, they fell into a companionable silence. Sort of. Sora tried to focus on his food, he really did, but every few seconds someone would start snickering and the laughter would start all over again.

"I missed this," Kairi said with a happy sigh, sprawling out in the seat next to Sora. "I missed  _us._  This is the first time all three of us have been together in forever." She briefly leaned her head on Sora's shoulder, just a quick there-and-gone pressure. "Maybe now we can finally get our lives back. For real, this time." Riku nodded, everything about his posture relaxed. He seemed impossibly at ease, like he'd been drawn up tense for so long that with the pressure finally released he simply had no energy left.

"Sure took us long enough." He nudged Sora's foot with his under the table. "We'll figure everything out. We always do." Sora nodded, scraping off the last of his plate. He was clean, and full, and safe. His friends were right here next to him. That should have been enough.

He would have been satisfied, were it not for the gaping hole in his heart. It sucked the joy out of the moment, a black hole of positive emotions that he couldn't ignore. He wanted this, to be happy, here with them. But they had the advantage of knowing  _why_ this was so precious.

And he knew he couldn't rest until he did, too.

"So… now that we're all here, we can maybe work on figuring out my missing memories?" he began, watching both of his friends carefully to see how they reacted. "Cause if I'm being honest, I kinda want those back." Riku's shoulders slowly tensed, and Sora watched as his eyebrows drew together into a scowl.

"Can we not worry about that right now?" he groaned. "I'm trying to enjoy the moment." Sora shrank into himself, pursing his lips and shrugging his shoulders uncomfortably. Part of him wanted to drop this, to let it fade into the background until he made enough new memories to cover up the old ones. But he couldn't. His heart ached for what it didn't know.

"Easy for you to say. You know me better than I know myself right now." Sora pushed away from the table, gathering his dishes and depositing them in the sink so he wouldn't have to look at Riku. "I know you guys think I should take it easy, but I can't help but feel like I can't be myself until I have all the pieces. I know I've changed from the me that I remember, but I don't know how, and it's throwing me off."

"You didn't necessarily change." Despite his soothing tone, Sora could hear his patience beginning to thin. "I told you earlier, you're still Sora."

"Guys, c'mon," Kairi interrupted, no doubt hearing the stress in Riku's voice as much as Sora did. "We shouldn't argue about this right now."

"But this is important!" Sora shot an apologetic glance at Kairi.  _I know,_  it said.  _I know this hurts but I have to._  "How am I supposed to be  _Sora_  when I'm not sure who that is? I might as well be an entirely different person. Slap a different name on the package and you'd never know the difference."

"That's not true," Riku growled, barely reigning in his unhappiness at Sora's persistence. "You wouldn't say that if you knew what we'd been through!"

"Yeah, but I don't know!" Sora strode up to the table and slapped his palms down on the table, looking Riku in the eye. "Riku, I need to  _know._ "

 _"No you don't."_  Riku snapped. "You'd be better off never remembering what happened after that night." He reached forward and grabbed Sora's wrist, his hand fully encircling it with ease. "Please, Sora, just don't worry about it. You'll be happier.  _Trust me._ " Sora recoiled in shock. He pulled away from Riku's grasp, feeling an odd sense of betrayal as he did.

"You don't mean that," he said softly, trying to not let his hurt shine through in his eyes. He shouldn't feel so much pain at the thought of it, but his heart twisted and ached for the sake of his missing pieces. "Riku, I'm  _broken_. Until I get those pieces back, I'll still  _be_ broken. I have to know." At the sudden change in tone, guilt blossomed across Riku's face. He buried his head in his hands, heaving out the most pained sigh Sora had ever heard him make.

"I'm sorry, I just- there are certain things I've always wished I could undo. I don't want you to remember those parts." He scrubbed at his face wearily, and Sora felt guilt of his own spreading across his skin. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm sorry, too," Sora mumbled. "I shouldn't push, I know. And I don't blame you for just… wanting to let things be. But I can't do that. I don't think I ever could." He held a hand to his heart, felt the weight of what he'd promised Vanitas in the drum of his heartbeat.

"See?" Riku asked wearily. "Haven't changed a bit." He turned a tired smile on Sora. "I should know better than to ask you to do things that go against your nature. You never did listen to anybody." Sora returned the smile, cautiously letting hope return.

"I mean, I don't exactly have a plan yet. But that's never stopped me before, so..." Riku stared for a moment. Let his gaze slide up to the ceiling, said a silent prayer. Kairi's head made an audible thunk as she let it drop onto the table.

"For fuck's sake, Sora," Riku groaned. "You can't just- you know what, I'm not surprised. Of course you don't actually have a plan. You just like stressing me out."

"No I don't! I just- okay, you know what, that's probably fair. In my defense, the you that I remember would tell me I was dumb and then propose an even worse idea." Riku took in a breath to argue, then cut himself off.

"He's right, you know," Kairi supplied helpfully. "We've all done a lot of changing in the past few years. It's not really fair that he be stuck with an image of us that stopped being real years ago." She grinned at Sora, her sudden conviction lighting up the room. "We'll find a way to get you back to normal, Sora! After all, with Keyblades, anything is possible!"

"Key-what-now?" asked Sora.

"Oh shit," said both Kairi and Riku. They shared another look Sora couldn't interpret, although this one seemed to be more of a general sense of "what the hell are we supposed to do with this" rather than the nearly telepathic communication from before. After a moment, Kairi extended a hand, and a glow filled the air around her fingers. The glow condensed down into a single object, solidifying into existence with a sound Sora couldn't describe with words. It was a weapon… of sorts, although it looked as if someone had taken a garden and made it into the general shape of a weapon without worrying about the practicality of it.

"What. The heck. Is that," Sora hissed, backing away from it and Kairi in shock. Kairi made it disappear  _somehow_  and approached him with hands spread out wide.

"No, no, it's okay! It won't hurt you, Sora! It's a type of magic. You have a Keyblade too, in fact, you were the first of us to get one. You're one of the best at using it." Sora shook his head in disbelief.

"That's- that doesn't make any sense, I-" He froze, eyes widening. "That was it. By the tree, the thing stabbed into the sand, that was a Keyblade!"

"That's  _your_  Keyblade," Riku informed him sourly. "We found it, washed up on the beach about four months ago. That was when… that was when we gave up." He shrugged, eyes downcast. "When a Keyblade Wielder dies, the only thing that gets left behind is their Keyblade. When we found yours, we knew what it had to mean." He stared at his open palm, eyes unseeing, tinged dark with regret. "When the others told me, I found Kairi and came home. I knew we'd failed."

"But I'm here now. I'm not dead."

"And we have no idea how." Riku looked at Sora, begging him silently to understand. Sora shook his head, stubborn. "Sora, I know you're eager, but you need to slow down-"

"But that Keyblade thingy, that's probably the best lead I have to what I'm missing. I should go back and get it-"

"No." Riku's voice rang out with harsh finality. "You promise me you won't do anything without us, Sora. I'm not losing you again." Sora forced a breath out through his nose, his jaw clenched.

"Fine. I won't do anything without telling one of you first." Riku narrowed his eyes, suspicious, but Sora held his ground.

"Riku, come on. We shouldn't argue about this twice in one day," Kairi urged, ever the voice of reason. She turned to Sora. "You, behave yourself. You're gonna give Riku an ulcer." She walked forward to take Sora's hands in hers. "You need to chill out for like, two seconds before I lose my mind over how dumb my friends are." Sora chuckled regretfully, wanting to rub the back of his head but unable to with Kairi holding his hands.

"Right. No more stressing you guys out. Got it." He flashed a brilliant smile. "I can handle that for about a day or so." Riku groaned from behind Kairi. Sora wanted to continue the discussion, but forced his mind to focus on something else. Vanitas could wait a little while longer. "In the meantime, I think I want to go explore the Island. Where's mom, do you know? I haven't seen her this whole time."

Sora could easily say he had never seen Kairi's expression fall so fast.

"She's… um. You should probably- let's go sit down." Sora couldn't even get out a word before Kairi was pulling him to the small living room, pulling him down onto the couch. She never let go of his hands the whole time.

"Kairi? What happened to mom?" Sora's voice was eerily calm. He looked her in the eye, waiting. She took a breath before she spoke, already visibly trembling.

"There's no way to make this not hurt. I'm so sorry, Sora, but she's gone." She shook her head, pausing as she considered how to frame her sentence with how little Sora knew of the intervening three years. "She went missing that last night that you remember, and no one's seen her since. We can only assume…"

"So there's no one left." Sora shuddered, let the knowledge seep into his mind. He felt… numb. Like he should feel pain over this but had felt it before, and now had no more room to let the emotions in. "I'm… I'm the last of the family."

"Yeah. I wish there was a better way to tell you, Sora."

"How many others?"

"What?" asked Riku as he walked in and seated himself on Sora's other side. He was bracketed in by his two best friends, and he was fairly certain they felt more about this than he did. He wanted to cry, to scream, to wail in grief, but his mind wouldn't make the emotions come. It just _was_.

"How many other people have I lost that I don't remember?" He stood before they could stop him, making a beeline for the door. "I'm gonna go take a walk, I need to clear my head."

"Sora, wait!" cried Riku, launching after him. Kairi remained seated, watching with heavy eyes.

"Don't worry, Riku, I'm not doing anything dumb," Sora assured him as he opened the door. "Just… let me think about a few things. I'll be back before sunset." He slipped out before Riku could grab him, could make him sit still and face this. The moment he got outside, he broke into a sprint, heading down the beaten path towards town.

This time there was no odd glow, no magic to carry him. Just his own two feet kicking up dust, his heart pounding, and the ocean cresting in gorgeous waves beside him. He knew this path, had run it a thousand times, usually while racing Riku, or walking to town to go shopping with his mom.

_Don't think, don't think, just run._

He would groan and complain all the way to school, picking at his collar until Riku yelled at him for messing up his tie.

_She taught him how to tie it, but his knots were always lopsided. She would laugh and say that his father had been just as bad at it._

He would deliver newspapers and magazines for spare change in the summers just so he could blow it all on the arcades and mango smoothies, laughing as Riku tried and failed to get a stuffed animal from the claw machine to impress Kairi with.

_The one time he won, he gave it to her, and laughed as she set it up on the shelf next to the shells he brought home every day._

He would wander all over town looking for recycling to turn in so he could save up to buy his first surfboard, only for Riku to get him one for his 9th birthday.

_He never said a word about wanting one. She told Riku because he despaired of ever getting enough for the one he wanted, the one with thalassa shells painted on its shiny surface._

He spent his whole life running up and down these roads and sailing between here and the play Island. Wakka, Tidus and Selphie were always there, tagging along with the two kids who spent every waking moment together, and then when Kairi came along they tagged along to see the girl from another world. Endless summer days spent laughing and sparring and surfing, nights spent making bonfires on the beach and watching as the algae blooms made the ocean glow with bioluminescence.

_She taught you about what made the ocean glow in the summer. Read the book to you until you understood, never judged you for being slower than the other kids._

He remembered his whole life here, and couldn't remember how he'd lost it. It had been him and his mom against the world. And now?

Now it was just him.

Before he knew it, buildings and people were flying by on either side, colourful blurs that his eyes didn't bother to focus on. He let them fade away like rays of sun underwater, mixing together into a watercolor painting of a memory he couldn't place. Somewhere in the back of his mind he could hear people he used to know yelling his name in shock. For all they knew he'd drowned like his father had years ago, yet here he was sprinting down Main Street like a ghost was chasing him. Or maybe he was the ghost, haunted by memories of the life he couldn't have anymore. He was a boy covered in scars and cloaked in tragedy, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to remember it or not. He did, he needed to, but he wailed at the thought of whatever grief lay waiting to be discovered in the recesses of his mind.

He only paused when he'd crested the hill, the one that overlooked the main town, where Kairi's house lay nestled into the hillside. It had the best view of the whole chain of islands, and the wind blew stronger here than it did down by the water. His hair, longer than he'd expected, whipped into his face in the sea breeze, and he huffed at it in annoyance. He wasn't even out of breath, barely winded by his sprint despite having travelled at least a fourth of the island, uphill no less. He dropped to the ground with a sigh, the sea grasses rustling around him with their reedy songs.

"What am I gonna do?" Sora asked the open air. "I need to remember. I need to figure everything out. But Riku and Kairi are so different from what I remember." He played with the blades of grass under his hands, mindlessly tearing them up and scattering them to the wind. "Did I change as much as they did? Everything's weird now." He dropped all the way down, staring up at the clouds that drifted above him, carried on the westward winds. "And apparently talking to myself is the only logical way to figure this all out." He draped an arm over his eyes, forcing himself to draw even breaths. He wasn't even sure why he was trying to keep in the tears, but it felt wrong to just cry. How long had he been repressing  _everything_  if his first instinct was to bury it all away?

"Well, you could try talking to yourself a different way, maybe that'll help." Sora lifted his arm and stared at the voice.

"Roxas?"

"Yeah, we saw you run by and I figured I should come check on you." He sat in the grass next to him, and Sora covered his eyes again. He wasn't sure if he was ready to face the whirlwind of emotions that Roxas had been before. "Are you okay?"

"Never been better," Sora grumbled. He could hear Roxas shifting closer, but he refused to react. He didn't want to acknowledge any of this, and Roxas wasn't helping.

"Could you look at me? Please? I'm not good at this whole comforting thing and it's worse when I can't see your face." Sora laughed a little, harsh and unhappy.

"And why exactly would you want to comfort me? You hate me. For good reason."

"I don't- Sora. Look. I'm sorry for blowing up at you earlier." Sora shifted his arm ever so slightly, so he could peer at Roxas from underneath it.

"You are?"

"Yeah. I don't hate you, at all. I waited for so long, I just… I guess I had this vision in my head of what it would be like when we finally got you back. And when nothing matched up I got upset. I don't really care that you don't remember me. I mean, I  _do_ , but I'm just glad you're. You know. Alive. Here, with us." Roxas shrugged, watching Sora carefully. "I shouldn't have said those things. I didn't mean it."

"Doesn't mean they're not true," Sora sighed. He sat up with a groan, smiling hesitantly at the boy next to him. "But I'm glad you're not actually mad at me. I'm kind of having a rough day." Roxas snorted.

"I can only imagine." They fell into a comfortable silence. Roxas fidgeted with the rings on his fingers, taking in a breath as if to say something and then letting it out several times. Finally he seemed to gather his courage. "So… why are you out here, instead of with Riku and Kairi? They seemed pretty adamant that they were gonna try and keep you contained for a little while, at least." Sora groaned, long and loud, and Roxas winced.

"Oh, there's a couple of things. I mean, magic is apparently a thing that exists, as well as Keyblades? Which, I don't even get how that's supposed to be a weapon, but it can appear out of thin air so that's. That's cool, I guess. Oh, and, somewhere in the 3 years that I can't remember, my mom died. So I'm just. Freaking out on the inside, I guess."

"Oh." Roxas watched him with worried eyes, clearly at a loss. "That's- that's rough, buddy." He reached out as if to draw Sora into a hug, but hesitated. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really. I just wanted to clear my head, but it's already pretty empty. Seems like I'm missing all the important stuff."

"But you remember growing up on the Islands, right? And you remember your mom. That's important, right?" Sora let that sink in, humming softly. That- was actually pretty comforting, when he thought about it. After a moment, Sora let himself tip over until he was leaning against Roxas's side. That same odd pain radiated through his whole side, wherever he made contact, but he ignored it. He needed comfort more than he cared about some weird phantom pain. Roxas gasped softly, before wrapping an arm around Sora's shoulders.

"Thanks," was all Sora said. Roxas nodded, eyes going soft; not that Sora could see. "I'm just… a little lost, right now."

"So how are you going to get unlost?" Sora blinked at the blunt question.

"What?" He sat up so he could look Roxas in the eye, shaking off the ache he had caused. "What do you mean?"

"Every time you've been lost, you've clawed your way back onto the right path. Even when you had no idea what was going on, you kept going until you did. This really isn't any different, just now you don't have the threat of the end of the world hanging over your shoulders."

"End of the world?!" Sora squeaked. "What exactly have I been doing for the past three years?" Roxas flinched and rubbed the back of his head.

"That's a long story, and I only know parts of it. What I can tell you is this: you and I are connected, and I'm not gonna let anything take you away again. I waited too long for this." He shot a feral grin at Sora. "We never did get a chance to really spar aside from that one time. I wanna see who's the better fighter now." Sora leaned away, laughing.

"Should I be nervous?" Sora leaned back on his palms, feeling a little lighter. "If I can apparently stop the end of the world, I have to be at least  _decent_  at holding my own." He held out one hand towards the horizon, which was just starting to bleed red with the hints of sunset. "With that Keyblade thing, I guess. What a weird looking weapon, though."

"Don't make too much fun of it. It's one of the most powerful weapons in the known worlds."

" _Worlds_."

"Uh… yeah?"

"Worlds as in  _plural_."

"Ooooh. Yeah, that is also a thing." Sora groaned and leaned forward until he was almost folded in half.

"What the heeeeeeeck," he moaned in anguish. "Why is everything so  _weird?_ " Then he popped straight back up, moving so fast that Roxas jumped in alarm. "Wait, that means Riku was right! There really are other worlds!" Sora leapt to his feet. "And I got to go see them?"

"Yeah, you've been all over the place," Roxas replied, looking relieved that Sora had sprang back from his bad mood. Sora, for his part, was doing his level best to shove all of the Bad Things to the back of his mind. Part of him knew that it would probably come back to haunt him later, when it was nighttime and there were no distractions to ease his grief. But for now he had the promise of new adventures and a beautiful sunset, and he wasn't going to waste it. "We should get back before Riku goes on a rampage. The others went back to tell him that I was gonna see what was up with you, but knowing him he's probably losing his mind."

"What's up with that, anyways?" Sora grumbled as he extended a hand to Roxas. He hid his wince at the stab of pain shooting up his arm. After pulling him up the two set down the gravel path back through town, shoulder to shoulder. "He was never like that before. Now it's like he feels some weird need to protect me, but I can't even count the number of times he's gotten me hurt or in trouble over the years. Never on purpose, but he wasn't exactly apologetic."

"I wouldn't know," Roxas replied honestly. "I wasn't part of the picture until after whatever happened to make him protective of you. And he hasn't exactly been forthcoming with answers since you disappeared, either." Roxas snorted in amusement. "Which was fine by me. I don't like him much anyways." Sora titled his head in confusion.

"Really? Why not?" Roxas opened his mouth to answer but the sound got caught halfway through, and he trailed off awkwardly.

"Okay that's uh… that's definitely a story for another day." The blond boy bumped against Sora's side, a silent apology. "It's probably best we don't tell you that one until after you get some other memory's back. It's not a fun one."

"From what I've heard, none of them are fun stories," Sora griped. "So where am I supposed to start?" In response, Roxas just looked out towards the Play Island, where a certain tree, a stone, and a blade rested, hidden from view.

"The beginning, I guess." He grinned at Sora. "Race?" Sora considered denying it, enjoying a slow walk back, but that would mean giving the townsfolk a chance to question his sudden reappearance. He barely understood what was going on, there was no way he'd be able to answer their questions. Sora smirked and took off.

"You're on!" he threw over his shoulder, laughing at the sudden bout of swearing behind him.

"That's cheating!" Roxas roared as he took off after him. Sora didn't waste breath to respond, just focused on getting down the hill and through town without falling. He zigged and zagged through the mid afternoon traffic, laughing at the sounds of annoyance behind him as Roxas did the same but with less grace. He knew these people like he knew the ocean, knew the way the waves parted and moved. It was a dance he'd been learning his whole life, and in his joy at finally being back on his old dancefloor he didn't even notice when those blue sparks coated his limbs as he burst through the lower end of town. He barely touched the ground as he sailed down the path, past the dented mailbox and the pile of rusty bicycles. He could hear Roxas gaining behind him, based solely on the yelled string of curses that was coming steadily closer, but when Sora skidded to a halt at his front gate he was still the winner by the tiniest of margins.

"You… fucking… cheated," Roxas gasped, bracing his hands on his knees and panting. Sora laughed at him, rubbing sweat from his forehead. He was barely out of breath, and based on the dirty look Roxas was giving him, the blond had noticed. "That didn't… count."

"You were the one to ask me to race, and a race starts as soon as a challenge is given!" Sora crowed. "Islander rules." Roxas groaned in annoyance.

"Rematch. I demand one, some other time when it's not hot as hell." Sora squinted at the evening sky.

"It's not that hot," he stated, confused.

"Fuck you," Roxas responded. Sora snorted in amusement, but held the gate open for him anyways. There was a small congregation waiting for him on the porch, watching with hopeful eyes. Included in the group was Riku, Kairi, Aqua, the dark haired girl, and the boy who looked just like Roxas. Behind them loomed three taller men, one with brown hair, one with blue hair, and one with red hair. It was the most varied, wild group of people Sora had ever seen and he briefly despaired at the thought of whatever course of events had managed to bring them all together.

"I'm home," Sora announced shyly, forcing himself to look Riku and Kairi in the eyes. Riku heaved a sigh of relief, and Kairi elbowed him.

"Ten more minutes and Riku would have had everyone out looking for you," Kairi informed him coyly, ignoring Riku's groan. "You've got good timing."

"Don't encourage him, he's a cheater," Roxas complained as he walked past Sora and into the house. "Is there food? I smell food."

"Yeah, there's food, you gremlin," called the tall redhead. "Don't eat it yet, we're gonna have family dinner tonight." A groan sounded from inside the house, and Sora eyed them curiously.

"Family dinner?" he asked slowly.

"Yup!" the redhead announced, clapping his hands together. "Seeing as Roxas, Isa, Xion and I all kind of invaded your house, we wanted to make sure that everyone else got a chance to come over here too. And, you know, we had weekly meetings to discuss how we were gonna find you, and eventually that just turned into having food and trying to keep our mind off things. So: family dinner! We're all one, big, weird, slightly angry family, and with any luck Roxas won't eat all the food before we get in there. So, welcome home I guess?" He spread his arms wide, an awkward but sincere smile on his face.

Sora stood there, one foot on the porch, and let that info sink in. He swallowed roughly, and this time was helpless to the onslaught of tears. "Oh," he whispered, a watery smile spreading across his face. "And here I was dumb enough to think I didn't have a family anymore." He heard a whisper somewhere, probably from Aqua, a quiet  _"oh honey"_ before the dam burst. He shook with sobs, smiling all the while, and laughed brokenly as Riku and Kairi swept him up in a hug. All of the others swarmed around them, piling into the group hug with laughter, and from some a few tears of their own. Where they touched Sora, pain bloomed, but he didn't care. He was  _home._  For real this time. And this time, there was a family waiting for him.

"Let's eat dinner, shall we?" Kairi suggested, smiling through a film of tears. Sora nodded, chin wobbling.

"Yeah."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel kinda bad for cutting it off here, especially since I wanted to get the story moving so next chapter we could get into some real character development. Unfortunately, this chapter ran away with me, so you'll have to wait a little longer. (But hey, if you guys are really nice I might even post the next chapter early.)


	4. Hope and Stardust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It doesn't matter what type of reunion it is, someone will always find a way to start an argument. Sora's friends are no different, though it's a little strange when the person they're arguing about is a shadow of his former self.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 4, which was originally part of chapter 3 and then got split because *damn* this scene took a lot more than I expected it to. With this, we're finally getting the opening act out of the way, and next week we'll start having some action. Sorry everyone, but here is where the wholesome ends and the hurt really begins. Enjoy the last happy chapter for a while.

Whatever Sora had expected was definitely not what he got. Food turned out to be an unholy amount of takeout from a place called Twilight Town, and there wasn't enough seats for everyone to sit at the table. Sora ended up on the couch squished between Kairi and Aqua, while Riku leaned against the wall across from them and sulked. Next to Riku, Namine sat cross legged on the ground and doodled pictures of Riku making faces, and lifted her sketchpad to show Sora from time to time. He giggled every time, then mouthed a "sorry" to Riku when his pout deepened. Lea and Isa were in the kitchen, washing dishes and arguing goodnaturedly. Sora considered going in to help, but then remembered Isa's note at the end of Lea's and decided he'd leave  _that_  particular fire hazard alone. Terra and Ven were squished at one end of the couch, and had resorted to poking each other at every given opportunity to try and score more leg room. Xion, Roxas, Hayner, Pence, and Olette sat at the table, and threw peas at each other whenever Aqua and Isa (the only responsible adults) weren't looking. It was loud, and busy, and Sora's skin bloomed with invisible bruises whenever anyone aside from Kairi, Riku, and oddly enough, Aqua brushed against him. But he was happy, and the void yawning in his mind was overshadowed by the sound of laughter and warmth. He zoned out, tucked against Aqua's side, and he almost would have fallen asleep if he hadn't been jarred into wakefulness by the sound of a phone going off.

"Oh, that must be Mickey," Kairi gasped, fishing her phone out of a pocket on her dress-jacket-thingy. Sora wasn't sure what to call it, but it looked good on her, in deep shades of pink and black. She skimmed the message, and then deflated a bit. "Guess they've got something going on right now; Mickey, Donald, and Goofy are all busy. They wish they could make it and send their regards." She glanced up at Sora. "Well, maybe it's for the best. Maybe in a few days your memories will settle and Donald won't freak out about you not remembering him."

"How many more introductions are there?" Sora groaned sleepily. "I can barely remember the people here, and you're telling me there's more?" He leaned even more heavily against Aqua, pouting. "My brain's gonna explode." Several people laughed, and Sora opened his eyes just enough to glare at them. He was full and tired and warm, and he was not mentally prepared to defend his honour at the moment. Aqua brushed his bangs out of his face with gentle fingers, and Sora hummed happily.

"You've done fine so far," she told him with a lilt of laughter in her tone. "You'll manage."

"Easy for you to say," Sora retorted, but he relaxed slightly. That just meant more friends, anyways. He gazed around the room with tired eyes, locking gazes briefly with Xion, who smiled sweetly at him.

"So, it's time for everyone to pay up," Terra announced suddenly, poking Ven in the side and causing him to yelp. "You all owe me a hundred munny."

"I have no idea what you're talking about and I also refuse on principle," Sora announced, causing several people to giggle.

"No, we- we had a bit of a bet going," Riku explained, rolling his eyes. "We all got clothes for you cause none of your old stuff would have fit, and then somewhere along the way we all agreed that we'd pay whoever bought the outfit you chose when you got back." He shrugged. "That's why Kairi really wanted you to wear that one blue jacket. She bought that one a while ago."

"It matches his eyes!" Kairi insisted. "It would have been perfect, but no, you've gotta wear some tacky sleeveless hoodie. If you wore something with sleeves once in a while, you wouldn't look like such a noodle." Sora pouted at her and looked down at his arm. He flexed experimentally, then looked back up.

"I'm not that noodley," he whined. "I beat Roxas in the race back, easy." There was a muffled exclamation from the direction of the table, and Sora wisely decided not to look at the commotion. Kairi laughed and patted his arm consolingly.

"You are slightly less noodly than you used to be," she agreed, trying and failing to keep the grin off her face.

"You still all owe me!" Terra reminded them loudly, yelping as Ven got revenge by jabbing him with an elbow. Terra smiled over at Sora, oddly gentle despite his somewhat intimidating size. "I'm glad you like the clothes, Sora." Sora hummed in thanks, watching and laughing as people groaned and pulled out their wallets. He let his hand wander up and curl around his necklace, an old habit that he'd had for as long as he could remember. As he did, a vision struck him, like a pebble to the middle of his forehead. He gasped, ever so softly, eyes wide and unseeing of the commotion around him.

 _You are the one destined to open the door._  The Keyblade was waiting for him on the Island, he could  _feel_  it. He could see it right in front of him, clear as the skies after a spring storm. It was calling him, he had to go, he had to reclaim it-

"Sora?" Aqua asked, concerned. Sora realized that he'd been rocking forward and back in distress, his whole body tight with tension. He snapped out of it with a gasp, the voice, and the vision, fading to an annoying echo behind his eyes.

"Sorry, I just-" he shook his head. "Weird headache. I don't know what that was." He smiled disarmingly. "It's gone now, though."

"It's probably a by-product of being surrounded by people your heart remembers but your mind forgets," Namine informed him, her voice soft but still managing to carry. "The conflict could cause pain, either physical or emotional, especially with your heart in a state of turmoil." Sora blinked, and realization sank in slow like water into sand.

"Oh, is that why it hurts whenever someone other than Riku or Kairi touches me?" he wondered out loud. Aqua gasped and scooted away, and Sora hurried to reassure her. "Oh, wait, you're fine too, Aqua. It's everyone else that hurts, for some reason."

"Why didn't you say something earlier?" asked Ven, looking even more upset about it than Aqua did. "If we'd known we were hurting you…" he trailed off, looking guilty. Inwardly, Sora pondered. Ven had called him a little brother and had been familiar with Vanitas in his letter. And this whole evening he'd been doing his best to get close to Sora, although he had subsided a bit once food had been served. And for some reason Ven's touch had hurt a  _lot_  more than anyone else's. What connection did Sora not remember? He shook those thoughts away, and did his best to smile soothingly.

"It didn't seem important?" Sora offered. "You guys seemed so happy I didn't want to say anything." A scoff was heard from the table.

"Typical," groaned Roxas. He coughed as Olette elbowed him with a hiss to behave himself. "What? It is!"

"Be that as it may," Namine continued gracefully, "it's quite possible that their touch will continue to cause pain until you regain some memory of them. What that doesn't explain is why Aqua doesn't have the same effect."

"Oh, well that's easy," Sora remarked. "I remember Aqua coming to the Island when we were little." Namine nodded slowly.

"Then only a scrap of memory is needed," she murmured to herself. Her pencil travelled in absentminded circles on her sketchpad. "I've been doing my best to see if I could repair anything while you were dozing a moment ago, but this is far beyond my abilities. The memories are locked away beyond my reach, and I have no idea how you would go about linking them back together. Your heart has decided to lock them away, and I suspect that you are the only one with the key to free them again." She pursed her lips. "I'm sorry I can't be of more help to you." Sora shrugged.

"That's still way more info than I had a minute ago," he pointed out happily. "Thanks, Namine." For some reason, her head shot up, eyes wide with shock. Her expression softened then, and she nodded once.

"Of course, Sora." She smiled a secret little smile, and Sora wondered what exactly it was he was missing. It seemed she had no more to say, though, so Sora glanced up at Riku in hopes of an explanation. Riku smiled and shook his head.  _Don't worry about it,_  he mouthed, and Sora huffed in annoyance but didn't pursue the subject. He winced, closing one eye as the voice grew louder for a moment.  _Would you shut up?_  Sora thought to himself, then blinked when the voice actually grew quiet. He refocused on the conversation happening around him.

"We should be focusing on getting his memories back, right?" Xion was saying, looking particularly stern. "If he's feeling pain because of this then we need to fix it as soon as possible."

"Are you forgetting how much pain  _remembering_  them could cause?" Riku snapped. "We don't know what the best course of action is. We need to wait, think things through." He glanced at Sora, his anger fading slightly. "We shouldn't rush this. He just got back."

"I, for one, would like to give him a hug without worrying about causing him pain," piped up Ven, who was an odd mix of cheerful and annoyed. "And besides! He deserves to know everything that's happened. We can't just try and keep that a secret."

"We're not saying we should," Kairi interjected. "But I agree with Riku. We've waited a long time, we can wait a little longer and find the best solution to this." She threaded her fingers through Sora's, and Sora squeezed in silent support. "Rushing into things without thinking is what caused these problems in the first place. I won't let that happen again."

"Okay, then what do you suggest we do?" Roxas sounded markedly more annoyed than anyone else had so far. "Just sit around and wait and hope he starts remembering things? Xion made him remember his life here on the Islands, maybe seeing other things he's seen before will kickstart his memories. Take another tour of the worlds, that'd be worth trying."

"No way," Riku growled, locking eyes with Roxas. "He's not going anywhere, not right now when he can't even remember how to use a Keyblade. He's defenseless!"

"He won't remember how to defend himself unless we try something!" Roxas growled right back.

"Do I get a say in this?" Sora piped in.

"No!" Riku whirled around to look at Sora. "I made a promise to protect the things that matter, and that's- that includes you. You're not going anywhere that might not be safe." Sora pouted but didn't argue. Riku was already mad enough. Everyone else was sitting in tense silence, unsure of how to handle two of the most powerful people in the room getting into a shouting match. The only ones who could take them in a fight were probably the three older Masters, and Sora if he'd had a single useful memory to his name. Aqua opened her mouth to protest, but Terra's hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"Let them hash it out," Sora heard him whisper. "If they don't get it out now they'll do it later where we won't be around to mediate." Aqua nodded in unhappy agreement. Sora squeezed Kairi's hand a little tighter.

"Oh, sure, protect him," Roxas mocked. "Protect him and lock him away where nothing can hurt him. Might as well stuff him in a pod while you're at it, he'll be real safe then-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence," Riku breathed, eyes wild. Sora felt it then, the charge in the air that had been building between them. Roxas was equally riled up, and had started rising to his feet despite Xion's efforts to pull him back down. When Riku took a step forward, hand reaching out for nothing, it was more instinct than conscious thought that yanked Sora forward.

"That's enough!" He barked, blocking Riku's path to the table. "Roxas, thank you but I'm perfectly capable of arguing for myself." He nodded sharply to the boy, and Roxas, confused with the subject of his anger suddenly blocked, nodded uncertainly in return. Sora turned to Riku. "You. Outside. We're gonna talk this out,  _now_ , before you try to kill someone." Sora hardly recognized his own voice, edged with steel as it was. Even Riku looked surprised, but he dipped his head down and acquiesced. Riku walked silently to the door, Sora on his heels. As Sora closed the door behind them, he turned to face Lea. "Thank you for dinner, we'll be back soon," he announced. He didn't wait to hear the response, and shut the door firmly behind him. Riku waited on the path, looking remarkably contrite now that he was out here with nothing but the sea breeze and the moonlight to defend his actions.

"I'm sorry," he began right off. "I shouldn't have-"

"Not here," interrupted Sora. "Let's walk down to the beach." Riku took in a deep breath but didn't argue. He looked like he was going to burst with all he wanted to say. The starlight played merry havoc with his silver hair, reflecting between the strands and giving him his own halo. His aquamarine eyes glowed in the darkness, much brighter than any normal human eyes had any right to be. Sora realized, all over again, how much taller Riku had gotten, and wondered why the nighttime air was so kind to him of all people. Even so, he made no comment and walked past him with purpose in his stride, vaulting over the gate rather than waste time opening it.

They walked in silence until they reached the edge of the water, and Sora toed off his sneakers and stuffed his socks inside them before wading into the water, rolling his pants up to his knees. Riku followed suit, until they were standing in a sea of stars, the summer sky reflecting on the still water.

"Have I turned 17 yet?" Sora asked as he stared out towards the vague shadow that was the Play Island.

"Yeah, about two months ago," Riku answered uneasily. "We sat on the paopu tree and sent up lanterns after the sun set." He shook his head. "Seventeen of them, in place of a cake with candles."

"Nice of you to keep up the tradition," Sora murmured. "You think I'll have bad luck from missing the Plunge?" Riku snorted at the mention of the old Islander tradition. Every year on their birthday, Islanders would swim out as far as they could into the ocean before they were forced to turn back, either from exhaustion or rough seas. To miss a Plunge was said to invite a year of bad luck.

"I think, if you have, it's been paid in full," he answered. "And no one would blame you for missing it, anyways. " Sora nodded slowly.

"And does it bother you at all, that you know how old I am, and I don't?" Riku sighed, kicking at the tiny waves that were trying to reach up and dowse his pant legs.

"It's not like I'm doing it on purpose," he grumbled. "You only just got back. Can you blame me for not liking the idea of you leaving again?"

"I never said I was leaving," Sora pointed out. "Riku, I know you're worried, but you're not my memory's keeper. If I decide on a way to get it back, of course I'll listen to your concerns, but in the end, it's my decision to make." He rested one hand on Riku's arm, staring up beseechingly. "I need you to promise you won't just think of the worst case scenario, here. I want to get my memories back. I  _need_  to. And the longer I wait, the more it'll hurt in the end."

"Or it could just, not hurt at all," Riku suggested, staring away stubbornly. Sora tilted his head, an invitation for Riku to continue. The taller boy just shook his head, crossing his arms in stubborn resistance. So, Sora waited, knowing from experience that Riku wouldn't be able to keep it hidden inside forever. He let the silence do all the pressuring for him, and his patience was rewarded when Riku finally broke. "Fine, I admit it. I don't want you to remember. I just want you to stay here and forget about everything that's happened, and we can live the rest of our days without having to worry about anything. You'd be happier this way, Sora. I know that the things you went through hurt you. And now you have a free pass to forget all of that. I wish you would take it." He turned to face him, placing his hand on top of Sora's. "You don't have to worry about it. You could just let it go. You could be happy, here with me, and Kairi."

"You know I could never do that." Sora removed his hand, and watched as Riku's face fell. "I could never be satisfied, knowing how much I'm missing."

"Give it a few years and it won't feel like that much," Riku muttered offhandedly. Sora set his jaw, feeling an odd defiance rise up in him. It was a different one from the one he remembered that always demanded he compete with Riku. It was more cold, steel resolve, instead of the bright hot flashes of anger he had known before.

"So, was Roxas right? Do you just want to lock me away? 'Cause that's not the Riku I remember." Sora looked down at his palms, taking hold of that determination and clenching his fists. "I don't understand you, Riku. You went and grew up without me, and now that I want to know what fills in the gaps, you want to keep me in the dark. I  _want_  to understand you. You're precious to me, but I feel like I don't even know who you are anymore." Sora looked up, locked eyes with Riku. "I hate not knowing what you're thinking, you know." Riku, for his part, took a deep breath and forced all of the frustration in his eyes to the background. It was still there, but muted. It was the closest thing to a victory Sora was going to get. Then, to his surprise, Riku gave him the softest smile, eyes twinkling in the moonlight.

"Yeah, I know." He took in a deep breath, his shoulders rising slowly, and then let it all out at once, letting the tension fade. "I'm sorry for trying to force it. You deserve… you deserve everything." Sora blinked, drawing up straight in surprise. Riku's tone had somehow changed again, from serious, to light, then back down to something like a confession. "Sora, I…" he trailed off, and held a hand out to the stars. "A long time ago, I dreamed of escaping this place, and seeing the outside world. And I got that. What I didn't realize at the time was that I didn't just want to go out there. I wanted to go with  _you._  I wanted you and Kairi to be right there by my side, every step of the way." He let his hand drop, and it hit the water with a flat splash. While he was speaking, Riku had waded farther out into the water, until it pooled around his waist. Sora remained where he was, waiting. "Now, I... now all it's the opposite. I don't really want to travel and see new places. I did that, and it was fraught with peril every step of the way. It was lonely, and I doubted myself constantly. The only moments that made it all worthwhile were the ones I got to spend with you. So now, I just want a chance to rest, here in my home. I want to be here, by your side." Riku waded a few more steps out. The water was halfway to his shoulders. He turned and faced Sora, held out a hand with an inviting smile. "So will you stay with me?"

Sora had seen this before. Had seen Riku standing in front of him, one hand stretched out, head tilted to the side just so with that charming smile. And every other time, Sora had reached out for him, and been carried away by the sea before he could grasp his hand. But there were no waves to carry him away this time. The sea was gentle, murmuring softly around his ankles. And Riku was standing there, mostly submerged and sprinkled in stardust, and it was all he could do not to sprint through the water to him. Instead he waded out at a level pace, until he could reach out and take Riku's hand in his. He squeezed for a moment, holding on tight for all the times he hadn't been fast enough to reach him.

"C'mon, Riku," he goaded with a smile, "don't you remember? We promised to follow each other wherever we went." Sora walked past Riku, uncaring as the water carried him above the reach of the sand. Still he held onto Riku's hand, until finally his arm could reach no longer. It was with great reluctance that he finally let go, turning to face Riku and the shore as he did. He tread water with practiced ease, grinning conspiratorially. "I'd follow you anywhere, and you'd follow me too. That hasn't changed, no matter what my heart remembers, right?" Riku nodded slowly, watching him with awestruck eyes. Honestly, he looked a little red, although Sora assumed it was just from wading out into the ocean in the middle of the night. Sora laughed into the open air, letting the waves carry his voice across their vast breadth. "Well, then, come on. Let's go for a swim."

"Sora, right now?" Riku asked, exasperated. He tried to reach out and drag Sora back closer to shore, but the shorter boy easily ducked out of his reach, paddling further away with every second. "It's late, we should head back."

"But Rikuuuuuu," Sora whined, purposefully making his voice as annoying as possible, "I want to make up for the Plunges that I missed. Three years, right? So that means I'll have to swim out three times as far to make up for all that bad luck. Easy math."

"Sora, no." Riku was actually starting to sound alarmed. "Not in the middle of the night, you can do that tomorrow if you really want-"

"I'll catch you on the flip side, Riku!" Sora crowed, twisting in the water and throwing himself underneath, propelling himself forward like a dolphin. When he surfaced he could hear Riku crashing through the water behind him.

"Sora, you get your ass back here right now!" Riku roared, half laughing as he did. Just as quickly as Sora had, he began treading water himself to close the distance. Sora laughed and pushed on, cutting through the rolling waves like a tiny version of one of the great masted ships. This was the kind of thing he had missed, he thought. Just messing around, knowing Riku would be right behind him either yelling at him for being dumb or joining in on the fun. Or, as in this case, a little bit of both. He was lost in a watery starscape, his only guide the column of light reflecting off the water from the moon. It felt so wonderfully familiar, and his heart soared as he threw himself forward towards the horizon.

Honestly, Sora had known that Riku would probably catch up to him in a swimming contest, but he wasn't prepared for how  _quickly_  it happened. He had been moving for less than a minute before something heavy crashed into him, and he was dragged down by arms locked around his waist. He went under with a scream, even knowing that Riku knew  _exactly_  what he was doing. When they resurfaced, Riku had flipped them around so that Sora was lying with his back to Riku's chest, and they were both pointed towards shore.

"You ass," gasped Riku as he paddled them lazily back the way they came. "You should know better."

"Yeah, probably," agreed Sora, hyperware of the fact that he was entirely dependent on Riku's ability to get them to shore now. Riku had one arm resting across his stomach, and Sora let one arm rest on top of it while the other trailed in the water. "I know when I'm beat, you know. I can swim back to shore on my own." Riku laughed, that soft deep laugh that shook Sora to his core. He realized, now, how much even his voice had changed. It was deeper and softer, mellow and smooth when he was calm, and reverberating like a great drum when he was mad.

"Yeah, but then you'd miss all this." He lifted the arm that wasn't holding Sora in place and pointed up. Far above them, shooting stars tore across the gentle night and exploded in a blaze of glory on the far horizon. Sora gasped softly, eyes widening in delight.

"Oh, wow," he breathed. He let himself melt, no longer worried about making Riku do all the work, and just let himself breathe in time with the waves as they drifted back home. "Thank you, Riku. This is… I couldn't ask for a better welcome home." The annoyance he'd felt at Riku's uncharacteristic protectiveness smoothed away like footprints washed away by the tide. This was peace, here, with Riku's chest rising and falling in deep, even intervals beneath him.

"Anytime, Sora," Riku whispered back, a secret between them and the falling stars. "Anytime."

* * *

 

When they got back to shore, Riku managed to impress Sora  _again_  with a clever burst of wind magic that dried their clothes in an instant. Sora bounced up and down and rambled about it all the way back, his energy completely restored. Riku, on the other hand, looked exhausted, and every moment brought him closer to just curling up on the side of the road and falling asleep right there.

When they got back to the house, it was to somewhat sullen silence. Roxas was sulking at the table, or at least he was until Sora decided to flick a stray pea at him. Then began a very entertaining and very short food fight, as they were both quickly detained by Isa and Aqua. After that, peace settled back in, and it was with cheery hearts that they cleaned up and settled in for bed. Namine and Xion both excused themselves to go stargaze, and Sora was tempted to go with them until Riku dragged him to the couch and collapsed in a heap of limbs. Trapped as he was in Sleepy Riku's Grip of Death, as he had always called it, he settled in and waited for exhaustion to set in. He'd gotten a burst of energy from his impromptu swim, but he knew it was only a matter of time before he crashed again.

After a few minutes, Roxas and Ven both trooped upstairs and bid Sora goodnight, and Isa and Lea did the same a few minutes afterward. Aqua and Terra made good use of the loveseat, passing out while squished into each other. Terra's head rested on Aqua's shoulder, and her nose was buried in his hair. Her legs were tucked up over his, and a blanket wrapped around their shoulders completed the tranquil image. Kairi was passed out on the other end of the couch, draped over the arm rest and feet tucked between the cushions and Riku's thigh. Hayner, Pence, and Olette had been ferried home by Roxas while Sora and Riku were out, so that left Sora as the only conscious one in the whole house. And yet, even as his eyes began to drift shut, he could feel a strange energy permeating the air around him, like if he just focused a little more he could hear their heartbeats as clearly as he could hear Riku's. It was odd, and soothing, and it along with the long eventful day finally dragged Sora down into sleep.

* * *

 

Dreams flickered past in quick succession, a thousand memories falling like sand through his fingers. He could feel, distantly, running, surrounded by a deep darkness and wells of light made of glass and metal. The voice from before echoed across the vast distance, until finally Sora awoke completely, standing on a glass tower that looked like it was supposed to make a perfect circle, but that was missing well over half. What he could see of the design didn't tell him much, but focusing at it gave him vague impressions. Sunlight, and a soft westward wind.

Of course, the nagging, insistent voice in his head made focusing difficult. It thrummed and echoed in turn, switching between being vaguely annoying and downright painful. He could see that damned Keyblade resting in the sand, glinting in the autumn moon,  _mocking_  him. It called for him, to the shattered remnants of his heart, to the broken chains of his memory. A path formed itself in front of him, and far off in the distance he could see the silhouette of the paopu tree and it's lonely stone monument. He dashed forward, ignoring the broken Station behind him. It didn't matter, not when the source of the call was right there in front of him.

His footsteps echoed endlessly, the path of glass stretching out in front of him and disappearing behind him as he went. The sandy edge was so close, it was  _right_  there. Part of him knew this was a dream, knew his body was still lying on the couch, passed out on top of Riku. But he could feel how the sand gave under his weight, could feel the ocean spray against his skin, could smell the salt. The pale stone glowed in the moonlight, possessed by a magic Sora couldn't begin to understand. And next to it, its charm swaying in the breeze, rested the Keyblade.

_You are the chosen one of the Keyblade. Take it, and go forth. You must repair the Station before you can face the trials ahead. Your lost memories are the key to your survival, and you, in turn, are the key to theirs._

"Whose survival?" Sora called out into the emptiness. He expected his voice to echo, but it fell flat, swallowed up by the dark. "How am I the key?"

 _Everyone's,_  it whispered.  _Without you, the worlds will perish. You have always been the key._  A cold breeze wrapped around Sora's shoulders, and he shuddered away from the ghostly touch.  _This is your destiny._

"And what if I don't want my destiny?" Sora yelled back, hands clenched into fists. "My so-called destiny got me killed, took away my memories. Maybe I don't want it anymore. Maybe I just want to stay home with Riku and Kairi."

 _And leave them to die?_  Sora pursed his lips, looking away in angry denial.  _You never could leave things be. Go, and finish what you started that night. You must remember._  Sora scoffed and crossed his arms. He wanted to argue just on principle, but there was no denying the magnetic pull that demanded that he take the Keyblade in hand. His heart wanted what his mind couldn't fathom.

"And what if I'm not enough?" Sora asked it, drooping in defeat. "What if I try to save them and I fail? What then?"

 _You are the one who is destined to open the door, Sora._  His name felt weird to hear in this apparition's voice. It made him stand up straight, filled him with newfound courage.  _Go, and take your birthright._

Sora strode forward and wrapped his hand around the hilt. It glowed, welcoming and warm, and Sora gasped as he felt it stretch up and worm it's way into the deepest reaches of his heart. It was insidious, parasitic, foreign- and so, so comforting. He gasped as he felt it anchor itself, refilling one of the empty spaces in his chest. As the feeling faded, and the light drained from his surroundings to leave him in complete darkness, he heard the voice whisper to him one last time.

_In your hand, take this Key._   
_So long as you have the makings,_   
_then through this simple act of taking,_   
_its wielder you shall one day be._   
_And you will find me, friend—_   
_No ocean will contain you then._   
_No more borders around, or below, or above,_   
_so long as you champion the ones you love._

The voice paused, then added another phrase that almost seemed to be an afterthought.

_Not even Time can hold you still,_   
_For you possess an indomitable Will._

"What does that mean?" Sora begged softly, his eyes drifting shut. He could feel the sandy ground beneath him fall out of his reach, until he was floating in an abyss with no direction to ground himself to.

_It means you have always been chosen. The Keyblade has known your heart since your birth. And it will remain with you until the day you die, and beyond._

_May your heart be your guiding key._

* * *

 

Sora awoke with a gasp. There were no soft snores or soothing heartbeats to lull him back to sleep. He was standing up, now, head tilted up towards the sky. The stars twinkled invitingly, and the moon was a steady, constant sentinel above the waves. To his side, the paopu tree leaned out over the water, and the stone kept its silent vigil. And in his hand, resting in his fingers like it had always been there, like it always  _would_  be there, was the Keyblade. Maybe what Namine had said was true. Maybe his heart really did know things his mind didn't. He stumbled back as the rigidity that had kept him upright left him, and it was only his own good balance that kept him from falling backwards into the sand. With an irritated scowl, he dropped the Keyblade.

"Of course I have some weird dream and end up out here. That's just the kind of crazy thing that happens to me, apparently."

"Well, at least you're awake now." Sora spun around to see two similar yet distinct silhouettes behind him. Namine, who glowed in the moonlight, and Xion, who faded into the shadows by her side. Xion smiled sadly, her bright eyes the only easily distinguishable feature about her. "We saw you walk past us but we couldn't get you to respond at all. Your heart was trapped in sleep."

"Oh. Sorry." Sora shrugged, doing his best to hide his face in the collar of his hoodie.

"There's nothing to apologize for," Namine insisted as she approached him. She knelt and picked up the discarded weapon, holding it tenderly. "I'm honestly surprised I didn't see this coming. A wielder's heart is inextricably linked to their blade, and you've been separated from yours for months now. The call would be impossible to ignore." With a burst of light, it disappeared from her hand and phased back into existence in his, fitting perfectly against his palm. Sora scoffed and dropped it again, unconcerned. Xion raised an eyebrow and giggled.

"You know, you could just dismiss it, it'll disappear until you need it," she informed him. Sora blinked and stared at the ground.

"Go away," he told the Keyblade. It did. Namine and Xion both burst into laughter at the apparent non sequitur, and Sora grinned at his success. He glanced back up at them, then out over the ocean. "Well, I'm out here. Now what?" He stretched and glanced down at his socked feet. Getting back was going to be fun. Wet socks. Ew.

"What does your heart tell you?" Namine asked him. She was ghostly in the moonlight, a memory out of place and out of time. Sora tilted his head to the side.

"Well, I was just gonna go back to the house and sleep some more. There's no reason for me… to…" He stuttered to a halt. In his mind, he just wanted to go back and sleep. But his heart? His heart ached for something beyond the bounds of this vast ocean. It was telling him to  _go_ , to run forward and not look back until he held every missing piece safely in place. The ocean rolled and boiled, hissing encouragement in a language he'd never learned. "I don't know." That was a lie. He knew, he  _knew_ , more surely than he did his own name. But he didn't  _want_  to know. He'd promised Riku he'd stay with him, that he wouldn't do anything without telling him first.

"You want to go, don't you? Your heart yearns for the outside." Xion laced her fingers together, her face the picture of pained resignation. "I wish I could keep you here, keep you safe. I don't want to risk losing you again. It hurt, the moment you vanished, and I hated… I hated seeing everyone in so much pain." She looked up at him. "You mean so much to so many people... and that's why I have to let you go. No matter what you choose, we'll be waiting for you when you're ready to return." Sora could feel himself choking up at the pure love and grief in her voice. He swallowed down the tears, but his heart was heavy with the thought of it. He had to return, for the sake of all these people who loved him so. Who, even with only a few hours of interaction, Sora had grown to love in return.

"Well, we'll be down by the boats," Namine said kindly. "When you figure out what it is your heart wants, we'll be there, and we'll tell the others what you decide in the morning." Sora crossed his arms and pouted in an effort to keep a straight face, shifting from foot to foot.

"Or I'll tell them myself, if I stay," he pointed out. Xion and Namine only smiled serenely.

"Maybe," they chorused, perfectly in tune. Somehow, Sora knew that they were fully aware of where his heart wanted him to go, and what he would choose. Even if he himself was still unsure.

With cautious steps, Namine approached, holding her hands up to his head. Sora, confused but compliant, leaned down so she could reach more easily. Her touch as delicate as moth wings, she held his head still and pressed a feather light kiss to his forehead. A zap of pain, almost too small to be felt, zipped across his skin.

"Wherever your heart leads,  _be safe_. You still owe me something, something you promised me a long time ago. That one earlier didn't count." Her eyes crinkled at the edges as she smiled at him, the picture of genuine affection. Sora couldn't help but return the look, moved by her sincerity. She stepped away, barely leaving a trace in the sand as she did. Xion echoed her actions, stepping close and pressing a kiss to his temple.

"Your heart remembers the important things." She pressed a hand to his heart, closing her eyes as she did. "When you get back, we should have ice cream together."

"Ice cream?" Sora blurted, bewildered. She nodded, stepping away. The pain of her touch reverberated through his being like the pounding of a drum.

"When you know what that means, come and find me. Roxas will want to make his peace." Sora nodded once, sharply.

"It's a promise." The two girls turned to go, leaving as silently as they had arrived. Sora watched them until their silhouettes faded into the distance down by the docks. Then he turned and faced the sea. With a quiet sigh, he went to sit on the paopu tree, only to realize there was something already there in his usual spot. Upon closer inspection, he realized it was the clothing he'd ditched earlier. His jacket was folded neatly, and it and his gauntlets were laid on top of his shoes. With a shrug, Sora pulled the shoes and the gauntlets on, leaving the torn and bloodied jacket where it was.

"At least now I have shoes," he mumbled to himself, flexing his wrists against the stiff back of his odd gloves. He stomped his feet to ensure his shoes were on properly, before finally following up on his original plan and sitting down. The meteor shower from earlier seemed to have stopped, though every once in a while another star would streak across the sky like a teardrop. And every time another star fell, Sora felt his heart ache for something beyond his reach. He sighed and reclined on the tree, letting his mind drift. The hum of the Keyblade was very quickly becoming familiar, and he could feel it pulling at his fingertips, begging to  _go_  somewhere. He hushed it with a thought, and it quieted.

"Nothing comes easily for me, does it?" Sora wondered aloud. He glanced down at the creature who had taken residence on the tree next to him. "I can't just remember everything like I did with my life he-  _wait, what the hell?_ " He scrambled away in shock, his brain finally registering that the little shadow on the trunk was not actually there just a second ago. "What  _are_  you?" The creature did not answer, but it did tilt its arrow shaped head to the side in curiosity. It almost looked like a fox, if a fox was long and narrow and made of shadows. It stood, stretching luxuriously, and padded toward Sora. Sora, for his part, backed away, unsure of this tiny, unknown… thing.

The fox being seemed to huff out an annoyed breath, though it didn't have a mouth or a nose that Sora could see, and then  _leapt_  at him without warning. Sora squeaked in fear and summoned the Keyblade to his hand on instinct, but wasn't fast enough to prevent the creature from latching onto his shoulder. Though he fumbled and cursed as he tried to dislodge it, the little fox slipped through his fingers like soap, and very happily curled around his neck. Sora opened his mouth to yell out for help, do  _something_  (and oh how his traitorous heart railed at him for not having the coordination to follow his instincts to defend himself), when suddenly his alarm just. Drained away. He fell still, blinking at the sudden lack of fear, and looked down at his new companion. It was making an odd rumbling noise like a purr, and rubbing against the bottom of his jaw.

"Did you do that?" It chirped, somehow sounding smug, before curling up on his shoulder. "Honestly, I feel like that should make me  _more_  afraid of you, but… I guess you are kinda cute." No matter how much he tried to summon the alarm he'd felt before, it simply refused to cooperate. And all the while, the little fox nestled in closer to him, its skin cool and smooth to the touch. Sora raised a hand hesitantly and stroked its sharp little nose, and it chuffed at him contently. "Well, as long as you don't try anything weird, you can stay," he informed it. The creature seemed almost affronted. It flicked its tail and looked away, almost as if saying " I'd like to see you  _try_  and get rid of me". Sora huffed out a laugh.

"Although," he mused, one hand on his chin, "I suppose I still have to decide… where to go next." He glanced down at his new companion. "What do you think? Home? Or should I face whatever's out there?" He ran a hand through his hair, feeling the distinct gap between what he wanted and what the Keyblade wanted. "I feel like the me that they know would leap out into the unknown without hesitation. I don't think… I don't think this me is that brave." The fox warbled a sad little sound, and Sora absentmindedly raised a hand to soothe it. "I should go back to the house. I promised Riku, after all…"

_"The door has opened…"_

"What?" Sora, who had set on down the path back towards his skiff, whipped around in shock at the familiar voice. There, down by the paopu tree, stood a figure, wreathed in shadows.  _Riku._  He stood there, exactly the way Sora remembered him, stance wide and confident, grin quirked just so.

"The door has opened, Sora!" said this dark eyed Riku. He was wearing the same clothes Sora remembered him in: the bright yellow shirt and the double layered pants that didn't actually do that good a job of keeping the sand out. He was a picture perfect memory, and Sora couldn't help but hang on his every word. "Now we can go to the outside world!" Sora's mouth ran away from him, following a script he didn't know he'd already played out.

"What are you talking about?" he demanded, taking one firm step forward. "We've gotta find Kairi!" He took another couple of steps forward, previous hesitation forgotten. His eyes glinted with steel and the cold fire that tempered it. He knew this, knew what was going to happen, yet it was all brand new. His heart had been fully caught in the wake of the memory.

"Kairi's coming with us!" Sora narrowed his eyes in confusion. "Once we step through, we may not be able to come back. We may never see our parents again." Something there stabbed into Sora's heart, but the sensation only lasted a moment before fading back into the swirl of the vision before him. "There's no turning back. But this may be our only chance. We can't let fear stop us!  _I'm not afraid of the darkness!_ " A different memory, of coal black hair and amber eyes pierced his mind. The real darkness… this… this wasn't real. He was caught in his own heart's imaginings, but this wasn't  _real_. Darkness was cool beaches and glowing blue veins cutting through rocky spires, not this flickering, sickly shadow before him. Sora took a step back, shaking his head.

"No, no, I'm not- my head's messing with me, this is a memory, or a nightmare, or…" he trailed off, looked at the figure before him with renewed interest. Short but strong frame  _-tall broad shoulders framed by a fringe of silver hair-_  and glinting aqua eyes that sang out a challenge  _-soft, so soft when he looked at him, like a long lost treasure, delicate glass caught in his gaze-_ , a hand outstretched, an open invitation to whatever lay ahead  _-stay here with me, Sora. Please.-_

He never could say no to a challenge, though. Not when it was Riku, holding out his hand to him, addling his brain and taking away all his inhibitions. He didn't feel particularly brave. But he could be brave for Riku.

"Riku!" he called out, running forward. The shadows swelled, these imposters of true dark, and Riku sank into them, hand still outstretched. And Sora, fool that he was, followed, his mind made up.

He didn't know the Riku sleeping soundly on the couch back home. Didn't know his story, his scars. Didn't know why he favoured his wrist sometimes, didn't know why when he poked him in the side he winced in something other than involuntary reaction. He didn't know the stranger sleeping on his couch. But this Riku, the apparition standing on the edge of reality, this one he knew. This Riku he remembered. So this would be the Riku he followed.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he dashed into the dark surrounding the memory of his best friend. "I'll be back soon. I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, our boy is finally heading out to get his memories back! Although I will say, now that we've reached this point updates might end up taking a little longer. I knew exactly how I wanted things to play out up to here, but now I'm more figuring things out as they go. I will try to keep up the Saturday updates, but we'll see how it goes. I hope you guys enjoyed! Critiques and comments are always welcome, and you can find me on tumblr as kamiddani.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a lot harder to write than I expected it to be. Vanitas as a character is interesting because at this point he has no goal, no cause to fight for. Xehanort is gone, Ventus is whole and doesn't need him, and Sora wants to save him but isn't sure how. So it was difficult to a) make him do what I wanted to move along plot and b) do so in character. So please, tell me what you think! Feedback is very much appreciated and honestly makes me write that much faster. See you in the next chapter! (also I beta everything myself so please point out any mistakes that you see, it is late and I am tired)


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